The Reckless Ride to Buttlandia

buzzaling banjo of love

Nobody's POV

Now, you may be wondering, puzzling on the toilet, and pondering while driving to the mcdonalds. I just know that this is eating you up. The question of the century.... Where is Onceler? Well well well, I shall tell you.... One fine day (two days ago) *sips tea* Onceler was out taking a stroll, he wasn't quite into all of this commotion and quarreling his fine fellow friends had gotten into (besides Lorax, goodness knows where his stinky little tipsy booty wandered off to). As I was saying, Onceler was out taking a stroll and came across a restaurant by the name of "Hula Hoe: Where pineapple meets FINEapple." This, of course, caught Onceler's attention in 10 heartbeats (he's not very good at reading; it took him a while). He then noticed the shimmering "HELP WANTED" sign. Looooong story s'hort, tonight was Onceler's first performance at "Hula Hoe". He was trilled. Now now, I'm sure you're tired of me rambling on about all of this nummy nonsense...... I'll have Onceler take it from here...

Onceler's POV

'This is it' I thought as I combed through my dark, silky, luscious hair. I slipped on my orange glittery vest that had a picture of a pineapple on the back that read 'JUICY'. (fitting for this exzotic restaurant) I laced up my tall boots that came up just above the knee. I dusted glittery glitter on my cheeks and took 15 sprays of my breast mist: "coconut semen". "Tropical!'' I squealed. I applied my most favorites chapstick, you know one cherry one from dollar tree that smells like chemicals and burns every layer of lips skin off? Yeah! That one!! I took one last final look in the mirror, looked myself up and down, turned around and looked up and down once more. Looking crazy smexy as always... but something just isnt,... right. Something just isn't buttering my buns the right way.. Hold on... BUNS. MY BUNS WERE OUT! THAT'S WHAT I WAS FORGETTING! My limited edition sequence spandex sparkle in the night in the shade of: green. I ever so carefully slipped my green spandex so I didn't knock even so one sequence off, I can't look like a..... Peasant.... Like that one Wenis guy. Ugh I can't stand that guy. He's hoarding peppa... he always has a weird look on his face, almost like he has a big log up his butt and he can't walk right because the stick is so sharp and his ears are at a weird angle and he always smells like musty old legos. I just... I just... I just can't stand him!!!!! "Breathe, onesie, breath...." I sexily told myself. "You are sexy, you are smexy, you are schmexy. You are sexy, you are smexy, you are schmexy." I told myself over and over again. That calmed me down and boosted me. It boosted me to the moon! No literally... Remember Vector from Despicable Me?? Yeah, yeah he's still here dancing..... ANYYYWHOOOO. I took one long breathe that lasted .00005 seconds.
*click* *clunk* *clink* I slowly gilded towards the stage. I grabbed my banjo and walked onto the wooden stage. WOOOOOOOOOO YEAHHHHH. The hoes cheered... along with some old half naked fat guy.... EW. I just smiled ever so graciously lifted up my elongated middle finga. I started strumming, I was really getting into it...
"Baby I know your eyes see right through my disguise" I started

"And no one can deny" My background singer hoes cooed.

"Baby that I'm the one whose love is no surprise" I continued, starting to get emotional... this reminded me of peppa....

"And he can't tell you no lie" The hoes continued.

"But there's a secret I've been hidin' I can't keep it no more." I sang passionately.

"There's this thing about himself he's never told you before.....Baby! He needs to tell you something!!!!!"

"I don't got a belly-bu-" Just as I was about to sing the most amazing part of the song the flappy doors absolutely flew open as fast as an Uncle mike runs to the table on thanksgiving day. Although my eyes were slightly (not slightly, majorly.) blinded by the stage lights i managed to make out the figure of peppa. My little bacon was here?! PEppa!? Our eyes met. 

*2 minutes prior*

Peppa's POV:
I'm running. Galloping in fact. Far away from that insensitive "oh really?" Wenis type of boy. Where I'm glamorously galloping to, I haven't a blues clue. All I know is that Wenis is NOT it right now and I need a breath of smelly air if you know what I mean *takes galloping break*. I vigorously dig a hole in the sand of My Buttbeach and do the very deed that the beach is known for, taking a dum- anyway. I start galloping once again after the delightful bowel movement was done, but suddenly screech and halt to fierce stop. I hear, in the near, but not far, distance.... Music... BUTT!  But not just any music... it was like, sparkly, glistening, and funky spandex kind of music. Like the kind that gets you movin and a groovin all the way to your tipy toes and the earlobes on your head kind of jiggle. It's THAT kind of music. I HAD to see where this seducingly rumbling music was cumming from myself. So I snuff it out. I sniffed long and hard to the sound and echos that stir up my belly strings. And then... just then.... My butthole really itched so I took a second to- .....ehem... anyway... but just as I was itching my Boo Tay, I turned around to see that my bouncy bum was faced towards a shack? No... a bright, lit 🔥🔥🔥restaurant of a dump. There was a sign that said something, so I did what anyone would do and scratched my bum on it. But after that, I looked closer and read the words dabbled on there. It read "sEXc OnceyBae glistening spandex bango performance". that  was a lonnnngggg title and was very difficult to read but I got through this hardship. And than it hit me! ONCEBAE????? You don't mean... I RAMMED the doors open, absolutely DE STROYED those doors. As I heavily start thumping in there, the music is bopping and slopping and there are hoes E V E R Y W H E R E????? Even one passed out underneath my plump, clammy, toe infected feet. Shout out to Toe Fungus Detection Class LOLz *winks at random person*. let 's just say it is pretty recklessly slapping in this place. "But let's not get distracted by the main attraction", I accidentally shouted outloud, as I grew heart eyes. It is him! It's ONCEYYYYYYY. No WONDER because the music he was playing was off the rocker cocker good. Gosh and those well-known spanking spandex of his is just so- *twirls around*. I twirled around like a ballerina I was just so beautiful. I stopped twirling though. Because something caught my eye... or someone.... I mean besides the fact that there are literal hoes and some old shirtless fat guy grabbing at Oncler on stage and squealing louder than Daddy pig did the night I was conceiv-. Anyway The majestic eyes of Onceler met mine.. And i got so starstruck i peed on the floor.