☙ Journal Of Stories And Thoughts

XIV - The loudest mourns

I let it go,

Humming with my remaining strength TV and Male Fantasy

Singing my heart out while I let those gigantic waves crush on my cheeks

Crying like Gargantua

It's so pathetic my plushies laughed at my distorted face

I thought killing myself wasn't a bad idea

Until I realized life was worth living

I don't care if it's selfless, what I care is the worth of it

A lighter in my room, I had an enlightenment

I could say it happened because I made a cake for you

Why don't you understand my pain

If you're gone,

If you go,

If you let me down,

Sinking in my own tears,

Who are the blood of my heart,

Bleeding,

What should I do

If we promised each other,

When you promised me

You'll never go

Or when you promised me

That I could let it go with you,

That I could drown myself into your arms,

Did you mean it or was it just said in the euphoria of having a new relationship

Having someone new and worth to rely on ?

I'm drowning

In my own tears

I'm chocking

With my own words

You are my world

They say end of the world is near

They didn't say my world was

I wish someone told me I'd been doing this by myself

Is there still hope

Or just nostalgia

Is there still love, care and sincerity

Or just sadness and fear of loss

I might love you

But I didn't know love could be wrong

I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing

Because you're so mad at me

Because I was mad at you

Because I ruined you

Because you ruined me

If you knew what would happen,

If you knew what you would do and what would I do to you,

If you knew we're suffering so much from our love,

Would you still take my heart

Or would you let me down because it's not worth it

Because I would hug your heart and got my eye on you

Because my love is so deep

That it has become automatic

Part of my system

Cannot be removed

If you turn the button off

If you rip my cables

The system may crash

Like a plane flying straight to the ocean

Sinking into pure pain