Is weigehed 41,6 this morning
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
Tmw i want to be in 39 again. (Its mostly food and water weight)
I can do it.
Today i had:
Oats (65)
Apple with peanut butter (115)
Weird stuff that burned in the oven (it was still pretty good tbh) 90
270 calories.
Im hopeless.
Starting now i wont eat Any of the following and if i do i will be punished
-peanut Butter
-Apple's
-crisps
-home baked foods
-fruit of Any kind
- NUTS
-caloric drinks
-sugar
-sauces
-Bread
-cheese
-Any other food than food my parents make me eat.
I have to fast. I have to.
Punishments (per 50 calories of food)
-cold baths (10 minutes)
-400 crunches/situps
-cutting (no hate pls)
-no physical contact with anyone (maybe this way you will support me Martijn) for a day
-purging(everything)
-to school makeupless for a WHOLE DAY
I will do this. I gave myself a small permanent tattoo to remind me of my goals. Its a stick and poke.
----
My parents called me downstairs. They wanted to talk (a.k.a. Them screaming and me Being silenced) about school and stuff. Its a long story. Just take it from me: theyre Being unreasonable. Theyre never satisfjed with how i study.
Im
Never
Good
Enough.
I can try to be. I can try to be prettier. Skinnier. Its only motivation.
YOU ARE READING
Self destruction to perfection
Non-Fictionim constantly trying to find a balance between my eating disorder and recovery, causing my weight to just go up. But not anymore. Ana is my best friend and ill stick with her this time. I will NOT be weak anymore. I will be strong. (A/N; I DO NOT PR...
