Spoilery Book Reviews

My Policeman by Bethan Roberts

Back of the book

It is in 1950s Brighton that Marion first catches sight of the handsome and enigmatic Tom. He teachers he to swim in the shadow of the pier and Marion is smitten – determined her love will be enough for them both.

A few years later in Brighton Museum, Patrick meets Tom. Patrick is besotted with the younger man and opens his eyes to a glamorous, sophisticated new world.

Tom is their policeman, and in this age it is safer for him to marry Marion. The two lovers must share him, until one of them breaks and three lives are destroyed.

My thoughts

I must admit: I only discovered this book because of the movie adaptation, and I heard about the movie because Harry Styles plays in it. Ordinarily I tend to avoid books set in the past, so it still took me a while to get around to reading this, and I'm so very glad that I stumbled upon this beauty. Also, all my previous reviews are of books I've read multiple times, whereas this was a brand-new book to for me.

My Policeman is beautifully written and is a complete joy to read despite the melancholy tone that seeps into the book. It is written as a reflective diary from Marion, about the beginning of her marriage which she is now 30+ years into. Her reflections are broken up by diary entries from Patrick, at the time all the events were occurring. Marion's storytelling quickly whisks you back to 1957 and I regularly forgot it was diary style until the present day was mentioned. Occasionally I forgot who Marion was addressing, as she often uses 'you' to refer to Patrick because that's who she's writing this for.

This book is never truly happy and only has moments of stolen happiness, usually at someone else's expense. We are aware of the present day situation of Patrick being very ill and only re-united with Marion and Tom recently, and Marion and Tom sharing a boring marriage where they are just housemates, therefore through the past re-telling we are just waiting for it to fall apart because we know it must at some point. It's a very sad concept to me, that these people have spent majority of their life unhappy, and only in their young twenties did they have much passion. Youth is always glorified in our society and it would be nice to read a story where a life hasn't been wasted. This is not that story.

I feel so sorry for Marion. You could debate three ways who gets the short straw but for me, I think Marion has the worst deal of them all. Marion was so blinded by her infatuation with Tom she never acknowledged the warning signs they weren't matched for each other. Tom gets away with giving Marion so little and she flourishes in the miniscule touches or imagined passion from him. She not only finds out her husband is gay shortly after being married, but that he has a male lover. So a double whammy of 'he can't love you' and 'he's cheating on you', all very soon into what should still be wedded bliss. I really don't understand how they are still married, perhaps times have changed so much that a woman in such a unhappy circumstance would never stay these days.

I love the way Marion's desires are explored and described. One of my favourite lines, "I longed to dream of Tom and myself in the sea, of the two of us going out and coming in, coming in and going out with the waves." (pg43). This line alludes to the physical desire she has for him, and it is more explicitly stated further in: "There was a part of me that wanted to pull him up by his roots, fling him on the bed, wrench the shirt from his back and plunge my body on to his." (p93). Despite the passion of her feelings Marion feels tongue tied by societal pressure, even once married. "Women who pleaded for sexual contact were abhorrent, unnatural." (p212) (that's the last of the quotes I promise!). The depth of Marions' passion also makes me feel awful for her because she deserves to have someone share that passion and the fact she is still married to Tom leads the reader to believe she has never experienced passionate love in the way one ought to.

I feel I should dislike Patrick, because of the part he plays in hurting Marion, but ultimately it's Tom I blame (more on that later). Patrick is similar to Marion in the way he is infatuated with Tom and then chases (seduces?) him to the best of his ability. Patrick is also tongue tied about his desires, but it is forbidden in a different way. They dance around eachother, slowly admitting the truth of how they feel. It is implied that Tom is discovering his sexuality for the first time, while Patrick has had many lovers and a long-term relationship before meeting Tom. I can't hate Patrick for living his life as best he can in the given times and I admire the bravery he displays at being honest with himself in a way Tom is not.

We see Tom through the lens of two people besotted by him, but mostly his actions are selfish and cowardly, and he really hurts those who love him. He hurts Marion by not being honest with her and giving her just enough affection that she clings onto her exaggerated ideas of love. He hurts Patrick by going with Marion, instead of learning to live an honest life. Tom's marriage to Marion ultimately hurts Patrick and Marion and is a completely selfish act for him to progress in his career and feel safe. We only ever see Tom upset after Patrick is found out by the police, and even then he expresses fear of being caught himself and failing his career, not directly worry for Patrick. Not once do we see remorse of how Tom has used Marion for his own purposes, and he continues to live a dishonest life where his sexuality is never spoken about. Lastly, the order of events in that Tom was seeing Patrick well before he really made a move with Marion is just ghastly.

In conclusion, this is a beautifully written sad story well worth a read. The characters are compelling and honest in the most raw way, making them likeable despite their flaws. It doesn't feel like this book follows the typical structure because we already know the ending. The major plot reveal kind of fell flat for me. Marion confesses that it was her who ratted out Patrick, however throughout the book that didn't come as a surprise to me; I expected it. If there is one message to learn from this book, it would be to not waste your life, and live in a way that's true to yourself.

TL:DR

Set in a time when being gay was illegal, this story does not have a happy ending for anyone. Starting with a lot of nostalgia and longing, disappointing straight sex and passionate gay sex in the middle, and a hopeful idea that not their whole lives were wasted to finish.