Delicate Hearts | Completed

42 || More than Enough

I felt like the Earth had shattered into two pieces. Harley was on the other side, and I was stuck here. I was falling falling falling into an empty shell because Harley snatched what was left of me, and I wondered if this is what it's like to lose someone you so dearly cared about. And now that I'm sitting in the car, driving back home, I realize that I did love Harley.

Just not in the way I was meant to. And right now, it was tearing me apart. Maybe only half of me is going to return to Angel tonight because the other half has been ripped away and thrown off a cliff. Or maybe I'm being dramatic. Maybe I'm still here, just drowning within me. Drowning and drowning until my insides are a mangled mess, and it will take so so so many years to untangle myself.

And I'm not sure I can even do it. Not on my own. And I can't face Angel right now. I feel so disgusting and pathetic, and I want to scream, but I can't, and his car is too beautiful to punch or use violence against, so I just drive drive drive. I screech to a halt in the driveway of my house, and I'm about to go wallow in self-misery when I see Aaron and Angel playing with a soccer ball in our front yard.

"Madison," He looks up at me and notices my face. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Did something happen?" Before I know it, he's rushing to my side, and all I want is for the ground to swallow me whole, but it doesn't because the universe hates me, and I deserve to suffer. "Did something happen to him?"

"No... No..." I shake my head, but I'm not sure which question I'm answering. Maybe I'm answering all of them. Fuck my life. "I fucked up..." My voice shakes. "I th-thought that I could keep him close as my friend. But I was just hurting him," Words are tumbling out of my lips, and I can't stop, and I'm not sure I want to. "I was just hurting him, and he told me to walk away forever, and I did, but it.. it just hurts so much." I let my tears escape after trapping them in for so long. I bury my face into Angel's chest as he welcomes me into his arms.

"It's okay..." He whispers. "You did the right thing."

His words offer me a cruel sense of comfort, and I collapse against him, letting him support my full body weight as I cling to him for dear life. I was holding only like a dying man holds onto air. It was pathetic. It was weak, and I knew it, and still, I allowed myself to be weak because he was here. He was here, holding me in his arms, and I didn't need to be strong right now. He was here.

I didn't care that I was making a spectacle out of myself in front of Aaron. He's seen me through worse. All that was running through my mind was Harley and Angel and how much I felt like someone had snatched away my oxygen, and the guilt I felt for feeling so heartbroken over Harley when I was dating Angel. I never imagined it to hurt this much.

I've seen so many love triangles in movies and books, and it's always the one left behind who's hurt. I wasn't the one left behind. Harley was. But somehow, I feel so much pain weighing my heart down. It felt like someone was playing darts; my heart was the target, and they never missed.

And I was so grateful that Angel was here. He's always here through my best and worst times. And maybe that's why I chose him. Because Harley was with me only when I wanted him. Angel was here when I needed him. Whether I welcomed him or not.

— — —

We had moved from outside to inside, and I felt a little lighter but still very heavy. Angel was sitting next to me on my bed, and I was wrapped around him as if he was my life support. He was gently stroking my hair, and it felt so good.

I was crying over another boy to my boyfriend, and he was totally fine with it. That was something I could never understand. It didn't mean I wasn't grateful. I was beyond happy that I had someone like him by my side.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"For what?"

"For crying about another guy in front of you."

"Well, that's stupid to apologize about. I don't mind listening to you cry about someone else. Although I expected you to call your friends, like Ashley or the other girls."

"Well, honestly, my plan was just to wallow in my misery alone," I sniffle. "I didn't think you'd be here."

"The shoot ended quicker than expected. Aaron texted me, and I couldn't say no."

"He worships you," I smile, laughing silently to myself.

"I can tell. A lot of people worship me."

I scoff and roll my eyes. "I don't."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I really don't." I was lying through my teeth. I was so head over heels for him it was embarrassing. I practically simp for him at all times of the day. I would probably throw my coat over a puddle so his shoes won't get wet. He was so perfect that it would be impossible not to die and resurrect in his presence. I've done it a million times. Every time I look at him, I want to protect him from everything. I want to make sure his perfect face wouldn't come in contact with anything too harsh. I wanted to make sure he never touched anything that hurt his hand. I wanted to take him far away from his family so that he would never worry about eating ever again. So that he'd never feel the need to parent his parents.

But I don't tell him that. He doesn't need to know.

"Good to know," He nods, giving me a strange look. I don't know how to read it, but all I know is that I like it. I like the way he looks at me. I want him to look at me like this forever.

"Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"Was your name always Angel?"

"No." He stopped petting my hair, and I sat straight, looking at him. "It was Kim Dae-Hyun."

Oh. He's Korean. "Do you remember your parents?" I felt bad for asking a sensitive question, but I wanted to know more about the boy I love. His eyes drop a little. Silence. For a few seconds. Or a few minutes. It was such a drawn-out silence that, I swear, time froze. It dropped dead next to us.

"Just small details. They're too faded in my memory. Maybe they're still alive. I came up with a lot of theories about why I was adopted. Why I was orphaned. I did so much research. My adoption papers have no record of my biological parents. So I'm guessing that I was originally from North Korea. Maybe they wanted to get me out. Maybe they died in the process. Or maybe they didn't care about me like that. Maybe I was, in fact, born in South Korea, but I was abandoned somewhere, and someone found me."

He takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh. "I wish I remembered anything about them. Or how they looked like. Anything to make me know they loved me and had no choice but to send me away. But I can't. Most of my memories of them are made up."

I could only imagine what it must feel like to never know where you came from. Or how you got here. And for Angel... it must kill him not to know if he was ever loved at all. If his life meant nothing to the people, it's supposed to mean the most to them.

"But whatever happened... however it happened. I'm glad I ended up with you," I tell him. His eyes soften as he pulls me in, and we're back to the same position we were in. I wrap my arms around him. I soak in his warmth.

And I can't help but think that maybe meeting Angel was fate if we were always meant to be. If he was meant to come all the way here and we were meant to meet, one way or another.

I smile to myself at the silly thought.

It was silly because there were a lot of events that needed to happen in order for him to even talk to me. And those events weren't pleasant. And I would have been much happier without them. I would have found a better way to get to Angel. I wouldn't have fucked with Harley's life.

There was definitely a better way. A better way, even if we were meant to be together by fate.

But it's all over now, and all I have left is Angel and his warmth and his love.

And that's more than enough. 

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a/n: ughhhh my heart. angel is precious. i love him so much. 

anyway, what did you think of this chapter? hehe. 

thanks sooo soo so so so much for reading, i love you all so much!!!! the epilogue is next <3