I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I want excitement, but at the same time, I also don't want to stress myself out. I kept thinking things I shouldn't be thinking, like I was uncertain of everything happening.
I don't know if I should be thankful because I don't have anything to worry about right now or if I should be worried because I have nothing to worry about right now. My mind was so uncertain. I wanted to go back to writing, practice my music, and continue my passion for art, but now everything feels wrong.
I once read a quote. It says, " Real Depression is when you stop loving the things you love," and up to this day, I still keep it in my gallery. And that quote is just so different right now. It's not that I stopped loving it, but I do not have enough time to do the things that I love, and that makes me happy because of all the things that I gotta work to.
How I wish I could turn back the time when all I did was do nothing but love and make myself happy through my passion and hobbies.
I always felt that there were so many regrets that I wished I could return, like not being able to say goodbye to my best friend for the last time. Not being able to participate in something I've always wanted to join. But things wouldn't let me for unclear reasons. I do not understand, but I let it slide because I do not have the ability and authority to do what my heart wants. And also how peaceful my life was back then. Just me all by myself, happy and contended with nothing to worry about anything that could break this fragile disguise of mine.
I'm always saying this in my writings, but I can't get tired of saying this,
I want to disappear with no traces left behind.
