My toxic trait was my competitive thoughts.
All my life, I mean my whole academic life the word number 1, was always attached next to my name. To the point where I took it for granted, but not to the point where I don't strive or do my work, but in a way where I have so much confidence in myself that I could pass that test even if I don't study, even if sometimes I don't listen, but just using my common sense and instincts.
When I was in freshmen, I thought it's okay, because we're- I'm still adjusting to this new chapter of my academic life. I've survived my freshman year after floods and storms with flying colors, with the word 'with high honor' attached to my name. But now I'm already a sophomore, I thought I could just play it again like a chess game where I'm the player and everything is my chess piece.
But then, my calculations and thoughts were wrong, I forget that I wasn't only the one who strives and wanting for more. And now, here I am in the middle of the night, thinking things that I know to myself I should not. My desire for wanting more alters my mind, like a virus spreading through a diseased body.
I want to be happy for others accomplishments, but my mind keeps telling me that I should be happy first on the accomplishments that I have in which I took for granted and never be able to felt happiness on achieving them. My heart tells me to be contented on what I have, but my competitive and ambitious mind won't stop.
