SUPER TROUPER ⇒ jegulus one shots

I SLITHERED HERE FROM EDEN JUST TO SIT OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR

James is struggling.

James is struggling very, very badly and he fears that no one can see it.

Sitting crossed legged on the sofa, James runs a hand down his belly. He feels his baby kick a little bit, moving their tiny little limbs in motion with his rubbing.

Sighing wearily, he pulls down his half hauled up jumper; snuggling back into his blanket, a vain attempt to conceal his stretched belly, hoping that if he can no longer see it, this horrible, heavy feeling will disappear along with his belly.

He is almost due, his baby will make their grand entrance by the end of the month. James thinks that it can not come quick enough; he can not get back to his pre baby body quick enough.

Now, that certainly isn't to say that James doesn't love his baby, this child is half of Regulus and half of him; of course he adores their little bug.

However, James also adores being able to look at himself in the mirror and recognise himself, know himself, look at his reflection and know that the person staring back is him.

He misses thundering through the clear blue skies, his broom beneath him and the wind rolling through his hair. He misses the lean physique that quidditch had given him too, how he used to be able to see his feet, and his abdomen wasn't swollen beyond belief, and how he didn't constantly feel so heavy, so achy, so tired. Quidditch, and his old life, had made him feel so weightless.

Now all he feels is full and sore; anticipating getting this baby out of him so that he can get straight back to his old self, and his old body.

James feels tears brim in his brown eyes as he thinks about his current body. Frustration burns within the tears. He yearns, deep within his heart, to feel attractive again, to feel like himself. He feels so unlike himself, he looks so unlike himself, that it has begun to hurt.

It has begun to hurt everything. James hasn't allowed Regulus to touch him since his fifth month of pregnancy, as soon as his belly had begun to properly swell and round itself out; his bump popping out from his frame. He hasn't even wanted Regulus' warm body cuddling against his own during the night. James can't stand the thought of Regulus seeing him like this, seeing his body like this.

James allows the tears to naively fall down his cheeks, rolling and splashing onto his jumper a little; his baby moving about inside of him. James looks down to his bump. "I...look, I love you," He promises in a croaky voice, feeling a little guilty. "I love you so much, but...but I hate how you've made me feel about myself," He whispers.

"James? James, darling?" Regulus' voice calls. "I'm home, sweetheart," Regulus' voice enters the kitchen. "What did you get up to today, eh? Moody says that I can have the rest of the month off to stay with you, just in case the baby decides to come a little bit early-" Regulus walks into the living room, halting immediately as he looks to James' rosy, tear stained face.

"What's the matter?" Regulus asks instantly. His voice is soothing and gentle, a hint of both concern and alarm weaving through it too. "Is everything alright? James, love, what's happening? Is it the baby? Are...is it happening?" Regulus urges urgently.

James sniffs, wiping at his red rimmed eyes. He isn't sure how long he's even been sat here, huddled on the sofa, with tears welling in his eyes. "I...I'm fine," He croaks.

Regulus takes a seat next to him, reaching to gently place a hand on James' thigh. "Sweetheart, you don't look so fine," Regulus says, shaking his head sadly. "Just...will you just tell me that everything's alright with our baby? So I don't go into spontaneous cardiac arrest?" Regulus offers softly.