Motion Sickness

I miss you like a little kid

Regulus has contemplated running away before but didn't know how exactly he'd do it. Ever since Sirius left, security around the house has been heightened. No one came in or out the door without Walburga being notified, not even the house elves were allowed to leave the house anymore, unless they were given strict orders from Orion or Walburga. Christmas felt lonelier than usual. He didn't feel up for anything, so he laid on his floor for majority of the break, not once leaving his room, the elves would leave food at his door every morning but he rarely touched it till later in the day. He contemplated writing to Sirius, but thought against it, contemplated writing to James, and he did, but he burned the letter immediately after, every time he built up some courage to send it, he could see his mother's face, grimacing as she threw it into the fire.

The day of his mother's Christmas ball came and Regulus was forced out of his room for the duration of it. He was thankful for his friends attending but still felt that pit of loneliness growing inside of him. He just couldn't figure out why. It was like some form of motion sickness. The night flew by faster than he expexted, but not without its faults. Walburga made it her mission for Regulus to dance with every eligible young lady at the party, the only ones he enjoyed were his dances with Dorcas and Pandora. Later that night it was revealed that Regulus was engaged to be married to none other than Pandora. He supposed it could've been worse, but he couldn't see himself marrying her, not when both their hearts already belonged to someone else. Pandora's to Lily, and Regulus's heart, well, he would never admit it but his heart already belonged to James, whether he liked it or not.

*****

"So you're engaged?" A voice rung through Regulus's mind. He recognised it immediately and looked around the room to find its owner, he was nowhere to be seen. Regulus knew he had to be close but didn't dare stand up. He couldn't face him. Not now.

"I am. What's it to you?" He whispered. For a while there was silence.

"Nothing, I suppose I just thought we had something." Regulus took in a deep breath as he felt breath stinging on his neck, he turned around and was met with the familiar brown eyes of James Potter.

"Circumstances changed." He said looking around the room trying to see whether or not they were alone. Too no surprise they were. No one came to this part of the library, that's why Regulus loved it so much. He allowed himself to turn away from James and shift his concentration back to the book he was reading.

"I wasn't aware there was any circumstance to change." James said falling into the couch his eyes never once leaving Regulus.

"What happened between us was a mistake, it never should've happened." Regulus said plainly not daring to look back at him. Looking at him would only complicate things.

"You keep thinking that Reg. But we both know that's not true. And until you start accepting the fact that you felt something I can pretend nothing happened between us, but I also won't wait forever." Regulus felt as he stood up but he didn't react. He sat there, waiting for him to leave. And when he did, only then did he close his book.

*****

Regulus continued to ignore James, and the guilt was eating him from the inside. He knew he didn't deserve this. He was just a pawn in a game he wasn't even playing. A game that ended up failing, since Sirius has barely been around to realise what was going on. He would occasionally be seen hanging around the castle but never with James or the other two boys usually with them, Remus and Peter. But today was different, Sirius was back sitting with his group as if nothing happened, Snape was sending daggers at the lot of them, all peace has been restored to the school. Atleast that's what Regulus believed.

Now that Sirius was back surely James would start to leave him alone, for some reason that bothered him. He didn't miss James, surely not, there was no way. He continued his days as normal. He grew close with Lily and even got to know Remus through it, he'd be in the library studying with the group regularly. "So Remus, surely you've seen Potter without a shirt on multiple occasions, seeing as you share a dorm with him." Evan brought up one day, Regulus glared at him. "I've heard he has a tattoo of a lion on his chest." He smiled winking at Regulus, who wanted to drown himself in his textbooks, if it was even possible.

"It's actually not a lion, it's a Chimera." Remus said, he looked over at Regulus. Regulus wondered if he knew, surely he did, he was one of James's best friends, but if he knew, so did Sirius. When he really thought about it, if Sirius knew, James probably would've been dead by now. So he rose an eyebrow, Remus smirked and winked. That just confused Regulus more. What exactly did Remus Lupin know about his relationship with James?

"A chimera, interesting, that's the reptile beast thing right?" Evan asked.

"It's a mutant." Regulus said, "You know that."

"Right." Evan said, Regulus sent him a questioning look, he didn't know why Evan was suddenly so interested in James's tattoos. "And does he happen to have a snitch somewhere too?"

"He's a chaser. Why would he have a snitch?" Barty asked, Regulus was now looking at Pandora, pleading for her to make Evan stop or lead the conversation in a different direction.

"Summer's just around the corner, do you lot have any plans?" It was Lily who picked up on Regulus's desperation, he gave her a thankful smile and went back to reading the book infront of him as everyone talked about their plans.