Love In Actuality

20: Kyree

“Nice try, kid, but we both know that you don’t belong here. Why don’t you

just go on over to the rehab center and lock yourself in a padded cell?” 

“Shut up,” Laila said so fast and hard that it was practically one word. “Get

a life. All of you.” She got up from the table, grabbing my arm on the way and

pulling me along behind her. I heard another chair screeching against the floor

along with a swear word, knew that it could only be Aaron. 

I walked diligently, barely hearing what Laila was saying about ditching

class. They could have their sibling moment about what to do with me. I was

definitely something that needed to be taken care of, as much as I hated to admit

it. Maybe one day I would be locked in a padded cell, because that’s just the path

my life was set to be on. Did I want that life? No. Did I deserve that life? Yes. I

deserved death. People didn’t want me and I wasn’t about to force the horror that

is Kyree on to them. I was a puzzle missing half the pieces, except nobody waslooking for them. My life was horrible. The only point to live was Aaron, but he

would eventually leave me. If I died now, he could move on with his life, find his

path in life. My death would be a blessing to everybody. 

Laila, Aaron and I settled down on the lawn behind the school to eat our

lunch. The sun shone down on us, some higher force approving of my decision. I

found myself smiling. It was apparently contagious because soon we were all

smiling and laughing at absolutely nothing. Bitter sweet, I would say. Life was

horrible to me, and now it was going to feel its karma. I didn’t have to pretend to

be happy- I was. Laughing, smiling, loving, it all came in a natural abundance.

Finally, I was having resolution. Accepted the problem and implemented a

solution.

The rest of the day was one of the best days of my life. 

*   *   *

We went to the beach after school- Laila, Aaron, and me. I had a plan for

what I needed to do- one last goodbye to Aaron and then back into the ocean it

was. This time, the water wasn’t cold enough for them to realize what I was

doing. It would be too late when they realized that I wasn’t coming back up for

air. Simple, done. 

Aaron and I were wrapped around each other of a towel, getting sand in

our hair. Mine, especially, since it kept blowing all over the place. “What do you

want for Christmas?” I asked, remembering that the holiday was only a week

away. School let out on Friday. Aaron had asked me earlier in the week to spend

Christmas with him and his family. His life was perfectly normal. 

“You,” he murmured with a smile and a kiss. He’ll move on, I reminded

myself. Nothing I was going to do was going to hurt him for more than a month. I

smiled back at him, genuine. 

“Who says you get me?” There were so many meanings implied with that

one sentence. 

“Is that your clever little way of saying that there’s somebody else getting

you more than I do?” He smirked at my facial expression. I shook my head.

“There’d better not be.” “You are the most amazing, beautiful, lovable person I have ever met,

Aaron Massif. I love everything about you. There’s nothing I would rather do than

spend the rest of my life like our first date.” He looked at me, more serious than I

had ever seen him. “Do you believe me?”

“I love you, Kyree Leigg. Don’t ever forget that.”

“Ditto,” I said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. That was all I had

wanted out of the conversation- to let him know that I loved him, always. Now it

was time for step two. I pushed up from the towel and brushed off some of the

sand. “I’m going swimming.” I didn’t ask if he wanted to come because I knew the

answer was going to a ‘no’. Aaron didn’t swim. He boated. As if there was

another over a centimeter of difference. 

Laila stood by the surf, watching the waves come in and out like I had that

first day two and a half weeks ago. Amazing how fast everything had circled

around. “Hey. I’m going for a swim.” The lie came out so easily now that I knew I

was so close to everything being done. In the end, it wasn’t the depression that

was going to kill me. It was the optimism that everything would be better if I did. 

She nodded in consent, still very concentrated on something. My feet

carried me into the surf a few steps and I was practically waist-deep in the

surprisingly warm water when I stopped. If I died, that was fine. But shouldn’t

there at least be some kind of chance that I wouldn’t, just to see whether they

would notice or not? 

“Laila?” She looked over at me. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m coming back

this time.”

And then I swam away as fast as I could, going towards a place deep

enough that I could stay under. Just as I got there a few minutes later, I turned

around and caught the scared faces of my friends. My boyfriend. 

When he came running, I went under. The tears were hard to tell apart

from the ocean water.