Cats In the Cradle

30. Emma

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I know it's largely just been foundation-laying so far, but we're getting there. Still so many unanswered questions. But just to be clear, Daniel does have some dark DeSantos tendencies, but he's doing his best to fight them. That's why he joined the "church."

Nature vs nurture

Sn: I can't tell yet if this book will be a lot longer or shorter than Married to My Master & Hide and Seek. 🤔
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I woke up very early the next morning, having gone to bed so early the night before. It was quiet, but perhaps too quiet. It felt weird to not wake up and gather the eggs, feed the animals, milk the cows, and do my regular household chores. There were no nieces or nephews to make breakfast for or to clean up after. No dogs barking or annoying chickens wandering inside.

No chaos.

No love.

A big, empty, quiet house, occupied only by two people who were "playing house", as Daniel had repeatedly said.

I felt something stirring inside of me last night. Something wonderful and strange and horrible. I didn't quite dare to think that Daniel had felt it too. But he was so sweet to me, so tender and handsome and good.

I called several men in the community "good men", but Daniel told me that his father hurt his mother badly. He forced her to marry him, controlled her, whipped her, and impregnated her against her will.

And he was in prison for that.

He was in prison for doing the things every man in here was taught to do to their wives. He was punished in The Outer World for doing things that were not only legal but seen as "very good" in here. It was a strange, disquieting realization.

Daniel wanted to go back out there, and I suppose I could hardly blame him now.

But...he couldn't share the bed with me while he was in here?

Even if we were "playing", would it not at least seem odd that he slept in a separate bed? We'd only been married for two days, but so much had already happened. He'd already shown me more kindness and affection than anyone I'd ever known.

Nobody ever stepped in when Father whipped me for speaking too loudly or before being spoken to. Nobody else would ever dare to challenge The Prophet. How did he not feel any of the same overwhelming, distracting feelings that I felt last night?

How was he so unaffected?

I wasn't going to tell him yet that my chest felt tight and heavy each time he kissed me or smiled at me or called me "love". That my stomach flopped and I felt warm and safe when he held my hand. Or that I couldn't stop thinking about his large, strong hands that could very easily hurt me but had only ever touched me so delicately.

A knock came on the door around 6:30, and I wasn't entirely sure how Daniel felt about me answering, but he'd slept in so late yesterday, and I didn't want to wake him up.

So I opened it myself, and there was Lars in his guard uniform, looking a bit on edge. Anxious.

But he was carrying a large basket filled with more freshly-cooked food, milk, a few other kitchen staples, and a basket of eggs.

I could see several guards outside the door, and I waved shyly at the ones I knew.

"I can't stay long," He said sadly, after setting down the giant basket. "Mama was...a little out of commission this morning, and I...... happened to stop by before work. She managed to make more food for you last night." He gestured towards the large basket and I forced a smile.