Cats In the Cradle

48. Daniel

I called every. fucking. day.

And every time, she refused to speak to me.

Aunt Lara told me to just give her more time. She turned me away when I showed up at her door, advising against forcing Emma to see me. 

"She's just having a hard time right now, Daniel. Just give her time," she said, peering up at me with empathy and probably fucking humiliating pity.

It's what my mom, Aunt Melody, my sisters and everyone else said, too. She was just upset, she was going through a lot, she needed time.

And I wanted to give her time. I wanted her to feel comfortable and safe and happy. I wanted her to know that I wanted the best for her.

But I was losing my fucking mind.

I regretted letting her go.

The instant the words left my lips, I knew I'd regret them forever. I hated how she refused to talk to me, how she obviously didn't believe anything I'd said to her after telling her she should live with Lara. She didn't say goodbye, didn't reply when I told her I loved her.

I never meant for anything to change between us. I just wanted to do the right, responsible, selfless thing. That's all I'd ever fucking tried to do, since breaking up with Sienna. I just wanted to be a good person. Kind and good and nothing at all like the man I was compared to far too many times for my comfort.

But I ruined everything. It legitimately made me question whether being the good guy was even worth it anymore.

Uncle Rurik tried to offer some words of advice. He said he'd nearly ruined things between himself and my mom when I was very young. It took months for my mom to even speak to him again—partially because Alessandro wouldn't allow her—and when they finally did speak, it took months to become friends again. It took months for her to trust him.

He said he still loved her even now and still wanted to be with her. And she knew that. I think he tried to hint that maybe they'd hooked up a few times in the last few years, but I was grateful that he didn't get into the details. Essentially, his advice was that it was better to be best friends—even from a distance—than to not be a part of her life at all.

It was great advice. I appreciated him taking the time to speak to me, offer some insight, help me see things long-term, man-to-man.

...But yeah, no, fuck that.

I moved out of my mom's house and moved back into my apartment. My mom told me she'd paid my rent for the month I'd missed, so I wasn't evicted. She tried to persuade me to live with her until I got back on my feet. She was worried I'd become depressed again.

But I wasn't depressed. Not anymore. Joining the church had miraculously cured my depression.

Now I wasn't sad at all.

I was angry.

But who exactly was I angry at? My mom? Aunt Melody? Aunt Lara?

Emma?

Myself?

Perhaps all of the above. Just a little. But not really. Not entirely.

So whose shoulders did I place the blame on?

Who would ultimately be on the receiving end of my wrath?

It took me a while to figure it out.

It took me a while to realize that I was most angry at the person who'd started this downward spiral, kicking me while I was already down. Gaining my trust. Giving me hope. Making me believe I was meant to be someone great.

Mr. Augustus.

The jolly family man with the 13 kids and the ever-smiling wife. The one who'd lured me into that fucked up community and uprooted my already-tumultuous life. The one who'd allowed me to unknowingly marry Emma. The one who'd cost me my job, possibly my reputation...and possibly the last bits of my sanity.

Orion was the true villain, yes. But he hadn't acted alone. He hadn't been the one to groom me and recruit me. Honestly, he'd never really pretended to be anything besides who he really was. He was fucked up, but at least he didn't really try to hide that.

At first, I convinced myself not to go straight to AFS to confront him. Not to wrap my hands around his throat and slowly squeeze the life out of him, the way he was slowly squeezing it out of me. Every rejected call or refusal to come to the door was killing me, bit by bit.

But then she answered one day, after 3 weeks of me calling every day and being rejected.

She filled me with hope. And then quickly killed it. Brutally.

"Emma, please don't be upset with me. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to do the right thing, but it fucking sucks, and I'm losing my goddamn mind. I just...didn't want to fuck up your brain—"

"Yet you did. You did fuck up my brain. Because you screamed at me after I was almost raped. You branded me. You told me you were in love with me, and you'd always protect me. And then after everything we went through, you just...left me. You just let me go.

"I was madly in love with you. I forgave you in a heartbeat, would've followed you anywhere. And you just...walked away... But now I think you made the right decision. We were only pretending, right? It was always meant to end this way. It was my fault for falling in love with you when you made it clear that you always intended to leave me."

"Emma, no. That's not true! You know I love—"

"Please stop calling."

I sat on my bed with my phone in my hands for a while. Hours? Days? I wasn't even sure.

I was crushed. Heartbroken. Depressed.

Very briefly depressed.

But then I was angry all over.

And I was determined to show Mr. Augustus just how much I appreciated all of his "help."

Nothing was going to stop me. No amount of therapy would ever be as effective as watching the light leave Mr. Augustus' eyes. Then maybe I could go back for Orion and all the other fucked up community leaders and misogynistic assholes in that "church."

The girl at the front desk at AFS looked almost excited to see me. She smiled flirtatiously, maybe hoping I'd remember her, but I wasn't in the fucking mood. I had one mission on my mind, and fucking a random desk girl was not it.

She told me that Mr. Augustus had exuberantly agreed to see me right away, and I smiled a genuine smile for the first time in days.

My hands twitched excitedly as I made my way to the elevator. I could hardly contain my devious grin as I walked down the hallway to his office—the office that used to belong to my father.

I greeted him with a warm, toothy borderline-sneer as he ushered me inside and gestured for me to take a seat.

I could already imagine how it would all go. How he'd insist he'd never meant to hurt me and how he'd beg for forgiveness. Then he'd call me son again, and I'd bash his fucking head on his oversized desk before I wrapped my hands around his throat and ended his miserable existence.

...But then he completely threw me for a loop when he leaned back in his chair with a smug smirk...and held up a flash drive.

"I was wondering when you'd finally come to see me, Daniel. I believe I have something here that you might need. Something that'll help keep you out of prison for statutory rape."

Were those....?

"I'll give you all the pictures and videos back. Make sure everything is wiped clean, like you were never there... And I'm sure you've got a whole lot to get off your chest, judging by that look in your eyes... But we have a few things to discuss first."