Not me || JJ Maybank

Dynamic

Bens POV:

I must admit. At first, I really didn't want to move here. I was happy where I was. I used to live in California, right on the water. It was amazing. But then my dad got some big job offering and we moved to Outerbanks. His business was connected to Mikes restaurant, so we went there a lot. Me and Kie eventually became really close friends. I remember when she first introduced me to the rest of the pogues. It felt like we clicked instantly and they all really liked me. Except for JJ. I still don't understand what his problem was with me..

And it's not like he's rude to me or anything, he just.. definitely doesn't like me. He's the person I talk to the least when I'm hanging out with everyone.  He acts like he wants nothing to do with me. I'm assuming he gets a little freaked out around gay people. Kiara told me that he might be a little homophobic, knowing his dad.

It's a shame though really. I've always thought JJ was kind of cute, and I love his personality when he's talking to the rest of the group. He's so effortlessly funny and charming.

But Anyways

i was at Kiaras house, sitting on her bed with Sarah as we looked through Kies photo album she had made of the obx. It was pictures of all the pogues, hanging out by fires or surfing or at her dad restaurant or in the Twinkie. They always were having so much fun.

Back in California, I never really hung out with anyone. I had friends at school of course, but for the most part.. I was a loner.

I liked reading and music and never really made time for actual real life human connections.

I wasn't used to having such a big friend group. But now that I have one, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I payed extra attention to the pictures of JJ. Seeing who he was when I wasn't there. There was definitely a difference.

"Haha look at JJ" I say laughing while pointing out a picture of him hanging from a tree

"He's crazy" Sarah laughs

We flipped the page and there he was again, surrounded by a group of girls. His face looked like he knew he was the shit.

I laugh, pointing at the pictures

"Ugh he's such a dog" Sarah jokes "you know him and Kie had a thing right?"

I was actually pretty shocked by this.

"Wait really? When?" I asked

"Last year. They called it off because JJ was talking to other girls" she says, whispering incase Kie came back upstairs.

"Woaaahhhh" I say shocked.

"Yea things were pretty dicey there for a while, but. We're all good now. They made up" she brushes off and keeps flipping through pages.

I can't believe JJ would do that- well, actually.. yes I can. He was kinda a douche.

That night we all went over to the chateau to hang out. We gathered around the fire and drank beers till it got dark. I'm not exactly sure how to describe it, but everytime I'm with the pogues, I just feel so welcomed and happy.

Something felt off this time though. JJ was extra quiet, and I kept feeling him stare at me. Anytime I looked over at him, he gave me kinda a dirty look and would then look a way.

We never addressed it. I never talked to JJ one on one like that anyways, like ever. I don't think he'd ever be in a room alone with me. Not if he could help it.

We hung out for a couple more hours until everyone started getting tired. We all went into the chateau and stayed in the living room for a little while.

Me and Kiara sat on the couch while Sarah and John b cuddled on the pull out couch, and JJ and pope in chairs.

We were all planning to spend the night and going on the boat in the morning.

Once it got later, me and Kiara went into the extra bedroom. Sarah and John b went in their room and the other two boys staying in the living room on couches.

No one was really going to sleep yet, but we were all getting ready for it.

I was sitting on the bed with my headphones in while Kie was in the bathroom brushing her teeth and washing her face.

I was changing a song when I saw the door open and I looked up.

To my surprise, I see the blond hair and thought it must have been some kind of mistake.

I look up with probably a slightly confused look on my face, as I took my headphone out and looked at him.

"Hey?" I said, a little unsure

"You left your book on the couch" he said making brief eye contact with me and setting my book on a dresser that was by the door.

"Oh" I said watching him "thanks"

"Mhm" he mumbled and then left, shutting the door behind him.

I kinda just sat there, frozen for a minute. That was kinda weird. He never talks to me. Like, it was kind of him to come bring it to me.. but it was still strange.

"Who was that?" Kie asked, coming out of the bathroom and sitting on the bed next to me

"Oh, uhm- JJ" i replied a little awkwardly as I tried to play it off like it wasn't weird "he just dropped off my book"

"Oh" kie said almost a little disappointed

"So... I heard you an him used to be a thing?" I said, just trying to make conversation

"Ugh, yeah" kie replied "he's an amazing friend. Just- maybe not the best when it comes to relationships."

"So you guys like actually dated" I teased "I didn't think he was even capable of dating"

"He's not" she laughed

I laughed with her for while

"No but, he really does have a sweet side" Kie admitted with a blush appearing on her face "he just freaks out when people get too close and does things that he regrets"

"Like?" I asked

"Like sleeping with other girls" Kie said, flashing me a fake smile "he regrets it and I know he didn't mean to hurt me but.. I'm not gonna stay with a guy who's cheated on me."

"Understandable" I sympathize

"He's just lucky I understand him" Kie said "if we hadn't been friends before hand, I'd probably hate him for it. But he's just noncommittal and that's something we've all just excepted at this point"

"Damn" I said looking foward as I let it all sink in

"Again though, he's not a bad guy. Just complicated" she said casually as she fluffed the blanket out and over us.

"I don't think he likes me very much" I admitted, just to see what she would say

"Well, probably just cuz you're new to the group. He doesn't open up to people very easily" she explained

We laid there for a minute

"Or he's homophobic" I joked and she started to laugh

"Yea" she laughed "or that"

We both started laughing and afterwards,  the subject got changed somehow.

I was glad to know a little more about him now.

Listen, I'm not obsessed. But I'm a writer. I love books and movies and writing short stories. I think that's why I'm so drawn to JJ. He's the bad boy, misunderstood side character that is always underrated. It was my favorite story line.

I couldn't help but want to understand him more. I had a real life chance to understand, first hand, what it would be like to have that character in my life. To talk to them. To get to know them.

Maybe I shouldn't look at people as characters in a book about my life.. but I couldn't help it. That's just how my brain functions