Not me || JJ Maybank

Dude, i'm gay

A week had passed since the party. I kept my promise and I didn't tell Kiara about what happened. I felt bad keeping it from her.. but I made a promise and I didn't plan to break it.

It sickened me though. Watching as Kie slowly fell for him again. Watching them cuddle on the couch and making out in their room.

Me and him hadn't talked about what happened that night. Actually we hadn't talked about anything at all since then.

I guess I was sort of avoiding him. He confused me too much. He was messing with my head.

One night at the chateau, I was sitting by the hammock reading my book. Everyone else was by the fire or inside.

I'd had a few beers so it was kind of hard for me to concentrate on what I was reading.

"Are you mad at me or something?" A voice asked and I looked up.

"What?" I asked, looking up at JJ who now stood in front of me.

"You're avoiding me" he said, scrunching his face and looking out at the water as if he didn't want to be having this conversation.

"I haven't" I lied, closing my book and setting it to the side.

"Lier" he said, looking back down at me. "You're mad at me because of what happened at the party"

"Look- JJ" I began, sitting up. "I said I wouldn't tell Kie. And I haven't. What more do you want from me?"

He looked back out at the water as the silence grew. The wind blowing through his blond hair as he stood in the moon light.

"I hope you don't think I like you or something." He said, bluntly. His tone sounding purposeful.

"What?" I asked, squinting my eyes

"Like- just because I hugged you doesn't mean that I like you" he continued "I just didn't want you to tell Kie."

"I.. I don't think that y-"

"Ever since then you've been acting weird." JJ spat "don't be so full of yourself. Just because you're gay doesn't mean that every guy who gives you attention likes you. I don't even-"

"Okay hold on" I cut him off before he could say anything more incriminating. "You're straight. I know you don't like me. And even if you were gay, there's no way we'd ever hang out like that"

He looked at me up and down with a slight attitude. Almost as if he were offended by that.

"You're a jerk. And I don't like you" I shrugged

"I didn't do anything." He pouted "stay out of my relationship!"

"Except you did. JJ" I laughed sarcastically "if I hadn't been there to stop you, there's no telling what you would have done"

"If you weren't there in the first place then I wouldn't of had to!" he snapped back, raising his voice a little.

"What?" I asked because that made no sense.

"Nothing" he buried his face in his hand "never mind"

"Are you trying to say that was my fault?" I asked, offended

"No-" JJ sighed

"That's what it sounds like" I added

"Never. Mind." He repeated

"I can't believe that you're still SO insecure that I'm not 100% gay, and that I'm gonna try and take Kiara from you."

"What?" He asked

"Seriously. Grow up." I continued

He paused and looked at me.

"Yeah" he agreed. He spoke slowly. "I'm just scared you'll take her from me"

His words felt forced. He was acting so weird.

"Dude. I'm gay." I reinstated

His sad looking face bounced around my eyes.

"Yeah" he let out a small laugh "Thanks for clearing that up" he shot a fake and forced smile before slowly turning around and walking away.

I left that conversation feeling so confused. What were we even talking about? Why did he sound so unsure? Why. Was he being such a dick.

Afterwards, I went back into the chateau and waited on Kie.

JJ had pissed me off so much. I hate it when straight guys assume that I've caught feelings. Like they're scared of me or something. It's so immature.

I heard the rest of the pogues come inside, so I walked out into the living room. I decided to do what JJ had been doing to me this whole time. I completely and utterly ignored his existence.

We hung out around the living room for a while. JJ sat with his arm around Kie. He was in a bad mood though, I could tell. She would try to be playful with him and he just wasn't having it.

I tried not to look at him. But I could feel him scowling at me from time to time.

He had dark circles under his eyes and they were red. It looked like he had either been crying or just rubbing them the way does when he get stressed... just something I've noticed he does.

"You okay?" I could hear Kie ask to him.

"I'm fine" JJ mumbled, only briefly making eye contact with her.

"What's wrong?" She asked in a high pitched, concerned girlfriend tone.

"Nothing" he said, getting annoyed.

I watched their conversation from the chair across the room. Trying to make out what they were saying.

I then accidentally met his eyes. He scowled at me and I looked away.

I then notice him take Kies hand and they begin walking past everyone and to the front door. The rest of the pogues mocked and teased them as they snuck off. Meanwhile my stomach was flipping inside of me.

He looked miserable. But why? He was about to get laid, why did he look like someone just killed his puppy? And why.. do I care