《 Blue 》

《Ten》

' ' I fear I won't live to see the day tomorrow ' ' 

I felt terrible, I longed for her touch, I yearned to hold her in my arms, to feel her warm skin on mine. I knew that it could never happen, I was locked away to be executed in a few years time. I couldn't do that to her, even if it was possible, she would be left alone, abandoned. The thought swallowed me whole. I hoped the longing would stop if I ignored it long enough, that everything could be normal.

It didn't work. No matter how hard I tried the thought of her never subsided, she was always there, in the back of my mind, I could always see her face. It was like a video of her was looping on the back of my skull 24/7. It was terrible, I wanted so badly to have her, yet I knew I never could, I could never provide the love that she deserved, not when I was stuck in here. Spending my days in a cold, lonely prison cell, wasting away with no friends left and a schoolboy crush on my therapist.

I certainly wasn't naive enough to think my feeling could be reciprocated, I was sure she thought I was delusional and I didn't blame her at all, I don't think I'd belive the things I told her had I not experienced them myself. Even on the off chance that she felt the same, it could never work out, so, I'd just have to bury my feelings until the day of my execution comes and nobody would get hurt.
Except me of course. But I was fine being heartbroken if it protected her from pain.  I'd never let her get hurt, especially when I'd be at fault for it.

So, I'll be quiet in my pining. And hope that on the day of my death, that she won't cry.
I didn't deserve her tears.

' ' someone tell me if this is hell ' '