The Gotham Queen

Chapter 12

After our moment, we continue the session, though now instead of it being therapist and patient, we're now chatting like friends. We're spending our session getting to know about each other, and eventually, I gather the courage to tell her my story since she had the courage to tell hers.

I tell her about my father, and how he would torture me for days on end. I tell her about all the rules I had growing up, and the various punishments that he would give me when I broke them, or just for the hell of it. I tell her about the times I nearly went a whole week without so much as a crumb of food, and how my father's favorite punishment would be to lock me in the basement without light so I could dwell on my actions with the monsters in the dark. I learned very quickly that there are no monsters in the dark, but in the people that are closest to you because they're the only ones who can truly hurt you.

I told her all about Kyle, and how instead of being my savior like I had hoped, he instead became my second worst nightmare. I tell her about how I have to be picture perfect at all times or he'll beat me just as bad as my father does. I tell her about how I have to eat whatever it is he orders me, and that I'm never ever allowed to make any decision on my own. How I'm basically an object, and not an actual person. Then I tell her about the proposal he gave me, and how I stood up to him by leaving his ass and throwing away his ring. She laughs at that and calls me a badass queen.

She tells me about her favorite music and foods, which I'm determined to try now that I have the freedom to do so. She also answers every plant question that I have, and I tell her my favorite flower. She tells me hers, which is a cherry orchid, and I immediately make a mental note to look that up to see what the flower looks like.

In the time that we spend, I don't write anything down on the small notepad in my right breast pocket, nor do I ask her the plain basic questions that all us doctors are required to ask our patients. I get to know her as a person instead of trying to force her to just tell me everything. I mean, why would she tell me anything if I'm not going to give the same back to her? It's a give and take when it comes to conversations, and not a one-way street.

Before we know it, the guards are walking back into the small room to take her back to her cell. We hadn't even realized that nearly two hours have passed by, and the thought has us biting our lips to keep from giggling. I almost protested when they went to take her because I haven't been able to have a normal, basic conversation in years. Not since my mother, and I can barely wait until our next session to have another one. I have laughed more in the last two hours than I have in my whole life, and the level of refreshing that it is nearly has me giddy with excitement.

"Catch you later, Harley." Ivy calls out to me, and I look at her confused. "It's your nickname. Harleen just doesn't seem like you." I smile brightly at her and nod my head. I've never had a nickname before, and I love the fact that we're close enough for her to give me one. Harley? I love that name. Let's keep it and call ourselves that from now on.

"I agree." I answer both Ivy and the voice in my head. I feel more connected to my nickname than I do my real name, mainly because the monsters in my life have ruined my name for me. New me, new name. Right? "See you, Ivy."

I watch the guards take her out of the room, so lost in my head talking to the voice that I don't notice the weird and concerned looks that the guards give me. I leave the small room, a bright smile on my face as I make my way slowly back to my office. It was nice to be able to talk to someone so freely, and not be yelled at or slapped into being seen and not heard. I haven't had a talk like that for a long time, and the thought of being able to do that nearly every day now has me beaming at everything.

People are giving me strange looks, probably wondering how someone could be so happy while being in Arkham, but I don't care. God, that is the best feeling I have ever felt in my life, and I love it. The feel of not having a care in the world and being able to do what I want now. I've never had any freedom in my life, and now that I have it, I don't know what to do with it. I want to do so many things, but I have no idea where to start. What to people with freedom even do?

Maybe I should help Ivy start a Save the Planet organization? Or maybe give her the idea of a plant shop? Something that will give her something to do while also doing what she wants to do, which is save the planet. Every little bit helps, and eventually, the small things become big things. Plus, with her extensive knowledge on plant life, and her ability, she could do a lot of good. Maybe I'll take her on a trip to the Amazon Rain Forest, or maybe to an endangered forest and help try to rebuild it. God only knows that the world needs more fresh air from trees instead of all the pollution from factories.

We could blow up the factories. Try to get people to understand and see just how badly they're killing the world off.

"I agree-" I start, but then some rational part of me reminds me who I am, and where I am. What on earth am I saying?! Blowing up buildings?! Hurting people?! That's what my father and Kyle would do! I'm not that person, and I never ever want to be that person! The thought of becoming a monster like the monsters that haunt me makes me physically sick to my stomach. How could I ever think like that? Stoop down to their cruel and evil level? I don't want to be a monster, and I refuse to be a monster. I know what it's like to have monsters in your life, so why would I force others to live that way?

They painted you as weak! Defenseless! A pathetic girl who won't fight back! Are you going to prove their words right, or will you stand up and prove them wrong?! Show them that you are not a weak girl that's afraid! Show them that you can be strong, and that you will never bow down to another person again!

I chew my lip as I get to my office and grab my purse. I don't want to be weak, but I also don't want to be a monster. Is that all there is in the world? The weak and the strong? The defenseless and the monsters? Are my only options truly to either lay down and let people run over me, or to stand up and be labeled a bad guy? An evil monster? Why are those my only options? To be trapped is to be weak and pathetic, but to be free is to be monstrous and mean?

I quickly make my way outside the building and to my car, not even stopping to tell anyone goodbye. I climb into the car and start the car, lost in my thoughts as I fight with what I've been taught to believe and what I want. What do I do?

They want a weak girl to fear them. Become the strong woman you are and make them fear you instead.