Columbine

[V] - White Rose's Dilemma

"M-Master! Are you hurt anywhere?!" — I yelled, as his grimaced face showed a sign of pain.

My heart beating madly, the cheeks of mine turned red. The one lying under me, his warmth pierced my body, his sour look making me immediately conscious of this embarassing situation.

Ashamed, I quickly lifted myself from his body, and moved to the side. Falling on the floor like that, under the weight of my body, I hope nothing happened to him because of my foolishness.

But, hearing me call him what he didn't like, he only sighed in frustration.

"I told you... Not to call me like that." — He massaged his scalp slowly.

"Have you hit your head gravely?!" — I ignored his words, grabbing him by his head. Examining it, I looked for any signs of the impact.

I... If I hurt him like that... Stupidly falling from a chair, while investigating prohibited files... He would get really mad at me... Right?

I can't... let him... I can't let such a situation ruin all for me...

"I am so sorry, master. It was an accident, I didn't mean to hurt you!" — Even if he didn't seem to be hurt that much, with a pitiful voice, I tried to apologize for my acts. All of this to shift his mind from any unwanted thoughts, far away from the last drawer of the cabinet.

"Ahhh, stop calling me like that. How many times should I repeat that to you?!" — He seemed to get annoyed by me calling him like that. But it felt so unnatural, using his name so freely.

"Should I take you to the infirmary?!" — I covered my face from the shame.

"No... Are you hurt?"

"How would my pain be more important than yours? I don't care unless you're all good." — There words left my mouth on their own, making us both surprised.

Was this all an act, or do I really care for this man? Why... Having no memories of him... Is it because... He pledged to look after me and fulfilled his words? Is this an act of gratitude? Would I care about someone... I don't remember?

Or is it because he was the first one who after such a long time, gave me a piece of hope for the future?

He wouldn't avert his sharp gaze, over my uncareful words. I... Am only a humble one under his care... I need to make sure to repay him for his kindness, if it's with words or actions. Nothing else... He is a stranger to me... Like anyone else...

The black of his eyes intriguingly watched me become a pitiful woman. I didn't know myself if this was all an act, or a distorted reality. My concern... Yes. It was all because I was afraid that he would ask me of the chair, and me climbing on it, but also...

His face, grimacing in pain. This look of his made my heart... Hurt. I... Didn't want to bring pain to him... I honestly... My thoughts were messing with each other in my mind.

"Stop giving me that look. It's nothing, I've just hit my head lightly. This pain is nothing in comparison to the pain I've experienced at wa-"

He stopped in the middle of his words, as if suddenly realizing this was a topic that shouldn't be brought up.

The... war...? Did he fight at any?

I didn't remember, I couldn't recall any of that. Yet the fact that he spoke of this, intrigued me. Would he... Tell me about it?

"Was there a... War? I... Can't remember." — My voice turned into a melancholic one.

His eyes immediately filled with regret of ever mentioning this, he tried to hide this feeling well but... I could somehow decipher it quickly. There was this thing where... I could just know what one was feeling by looking into their stares.

"It was a long time ago, I was a very young man, I barely remember anything... Now everything is at peace, so don't worry." — He tried to get up from the floor, so I immediately threw myself to help him.

He remembers the pain he felt... But he also tells me that there are barely any memories of it? I sometimes felt that things he told me would exclude themselves. I understood that he didn't want to proceed with this topic anymore, so I wouldn't push him. This was another thing in my mind that I wanted to discover.

Trying to help him stand straight, I've caught his arm and instinctively swept the dust of his clothes. The look on his face seemed disorientated, making me kind of breathe with ease, as long as he wouldn't ask about the chair that stood just right behind him. I just... Need him to leave the room... To move his attention. The fear piercing my mind was suffocating. I need to think of something...

"I... Finished what you've asked me..." — I pointed at the desk, with the pile of papers on it.

"...Very... Well." — He turned his head, and inquisitively looked at them.

But in his face, there was still the look of the uncertainty and confusion coming from me showing so much care previously. I didn't notice when his cheeks grew so pink, and the glare of his was observing me from the side. Have I perhaps... Crossed a boundary with my words and actions? I'm... Who am I to him, after all? Why can't I keep a distance between me and the man who suddenly decided to be nice to me? What about... All of the previous wrongdoing he has done to me...

Coming up to the desk, he browsed through the documents piled up, only murmuring something under his nose. I silently observed as the papers reflected in his eyes.

But he quickly put them away, and his inquisitive look would return to my humble person, standing on the side of the room. This piercing eyes of his, oh I wish sometimes they would just close and show mercy. Magnetizing look, it was embarrassing to let yourself drown in their beauty. Why is it that... He glared upon me with so much... Doubt and questioning?

I need to make his mind busy with something else.

"I awaited you in the morning, but you didn't come..." — I shifted my scared eyes to the floor and tried to play with his emotions.

"I apologize, I... had an urgent matter to resolve." — He would tell me after a short while of thinking. — "...Were you upset?"

...

His eyes haven't dropped their teasing curiosity. Just why... Has he asked me this question?

I've wondered about it a lot last night. How should I act towards him. Should I just be real, act how I feel and answer: "Mildly.", or should I exaggerate and let my inner demons make me respond: "Very much."
Why would I do that? What do I want to achieve?

I don't know yet, what is to come and what is to be done. But I've realized one thing. If I want to discover more about myself, I need to act in his favor, as a polite and sweet, knowing-nothing miss. Because, despite having learned the basic information about myself, there is still a mystery behind my husband's death. Why wouldn't he tell me about it? Is it something he is responsible... for?

So many theories, all of his acts, the secrets seem so strange. The conclusion must be one, there is something eerie hiding before me, and I don't even know myself if... I want to discover it. I have a feeling my life... Isn't normal. That's why I need to gain his trust...

"You told me last night you would come, so I hoped to see you in the morning..."

"Haa... I really couldn't. I apologize one more time..." — I swear I could see a faint smirk appear on his face of a second. — "How about I redeem my mistake and take you for a walk?"

A... Walk? With the... Master?

"O-Of course!" — My cheeks burned lightly, this was... unexpected.

Inviting me out of the room, letting me go first through the door, I obediently exited, with nervousness slowly creeping to my mind. What will... We talk about anyways? Could I possibly ask him some things?

I went forwards, without noticing that just right before exiting, the man's inquisitive glare ventured to the side, the black eyes meeting with the top drawer of the tallest cabinet.

Frowing his eyebrows, he closed the door with an impact, leaving all that happened in that room, behind.