Adventures of Reader

Tuco Salamanca

The sun was shining bright and hot, people were smoking, horses neighing, caravans moving, and a pair of horses galloping. there were four men on each horse. Arthur Morgan, Chuck Norris, Ben Shapiro, and of course, You. 

The four of you were galloping to where Tuco was conducting his business, the beauty salon.

"Why a beauty salon?" You ask.

"StrategicallySpeakingItsASmartDecisionItWouldBeLessLikelyForAnyoneToSuspectABeautySalon" Answers Ben, in his usual know-it-all tone.

Doesn't Sound Tuco like

You shrug.

Probably Hectors doing

You arrive at the salon and dismount your horses. 

"I'll clear out the area so we can go," says Arthur.

"No!" You shout immediately, "They're innocent, and no one needs to die."

" I'm not killing any folk," says Arthur. "Why're you so worried bout' me? You need to have some faith."

"That's what Dutch said,"

Arther gave you the death stare. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear you. Could you repeat that?"

You look down, flustered.

"That's what I thought." He enters the salon, and you wait. In less than a minute, the salon had been evacuated, and Arthur gestured to all of you to enter.

You enter, no bodies, thankfully. But the cash register is open. You sigh and make your way upstairs with the gang. Arthur kicks in the door and points his gun. Tuco was there, just sitting. 

"Hands up, you maniacally!"

Tuco laughed.

"I said, hands u -" Arthur was cut off by a kick in the face. The man who kicked him was covered in white, head to toe. He was in a martial arts pose, either Kung-fu or Karate or Taekwondo or some other Chinese/Japanese pose. You had already seen martial artists before, but you'd think they had ideals in whatever martial arts they were in, like not working with psychopathic selling on drugs.

But this is the wild west. After all, anybody would do anything for the gold.

You suddenly feel a presence in your right, and you instantly raise your left arm. 

Crack

Before you can process the pain, you are knocked out.

You awake in a space-like environment, on top of a rainbow pathway.

The rainbow deluxe map in Mario Kart…

You look around, glad to be in the middle. To your right is Jerry from Tom and Jerry in an orange kart, and Vegeta in a blue and white one. To your left is Gru in a black kart and SpongeBob in a yellow and white kart.

Suddenly, a countdown began up in the air. You had 10 seconds. 

"Hey rat, watch out for the ants!" Laughed Gru. 

Jerry scowled.

The countdown ended, and the race started. You accelerate immediately, and so do the rest. You drifted left, behind SpongeBob. Vegeta was right on your tail. 

You hit a mystery box and get a bomb. You throw it at Vegeta, but he swerves out of the way. The bomb lands right in the middle of Gru and Jerry's cart. Gru manages to swerve out of the way, but Jerry got blasted off.

Well, that's one less competition

Your car suddenly starts spinning. SpongeBob laughs at you with his iconic laugh.