finding the stars- hawk x female reader

chapter 1

"it's hard to forget your past when it's written all over your body"- unknown

TW⚠️ MENTIONS OF SELF HARM

Iris Thorn had always been a loner, constantly feeling trapped by a dark shadow that kept her isolated from social interactions. It always felt like an invisible barrier separated her from the vibrant world around her. 

She wasn't a typical girl with a typical smile that could light up a room. No, certainly not a typical girl who wears beautiful clothing that fits like a glove.

Despite her longing for connection and belonging, she couldn't escape the grip of solitude that enveloped her.

Iris often found solace in her own thoughts, finding refuge in the sanctuary of her imagination. She observed the dynamics of friendships around her and the laughter shared by others, but a sense of longing tugged at her heart. She yearned to be a part of those joyful moments, to experience the warmth of genuine camaraderie.

Yet, whenever she attempted to break free from her self-imposed isolation, fear clutched at her like icy fingers. Doubts and insecurities flooded her mind, casting doubt on her worthiness of companionship. The cruel whispers in her head reinforced her belief that she was an outsider destined to navigate life's journey alone.

It wasn't for lack of effort, though. Iris had tried countless times to emerge from the shadows, pushing herself to participate in social events and strike up conversations. But her anxious words stumbled clumsily, her voice trembling with uncertainty. Rejection became a familiar companion, deepening her wounds and reaffirming her belief in her own unworthiness.

Iris was adopted at a young age by two loving women, Sabrina from Romania and Brylan from Nigeria, Iris had grown up speaking both Romanian and Yoruba, which occasionally caused her to stumble over her English words.

At school, kids would mock her voice when she spoke English, but Iris brushed it off, determined to be like her mothers. English wasn't spoken much at home, but in Canada, she had to integrate it into her daily life. Despite feeling connected to her mothers through their languages, she couldn't shake the feeling of an unfillable void within her.

Iris believed her loneliness began when she was abandoned at a fire station by her birth mother, and it seemed only natural for her to rely solely on herself since no one had wanted her. The abandonment she had experienced as a child left scars that ran deep, making it challenging for her to trust and open herself up to others.

The fire station, once a symbol of her beginning, now served as a haunting reminder of the void she carried within.

Although her mothers assured her she was perfect as she was, she couldn't fathom such a notion. In her eyes, she was far from perfect, and self-harm became her escape from the cruel world, allowing her to feel something other than the torment in her mind.

So that's why Iris would take the razors from her shavers and slide them across her porcelain skin. She would watch as the blood dripped down her arms and sigh with contentment because she could finally feel something else.

She could finally breathe. Her mind would always ease and the rush of adrenaline it gave her made her crave more.

Iris knew she deserved to bleed. Why else was she teased? Why else was the voice in the back of her head always telling her cruel things?

One thing came out of the situation. No one ever questioned why she never wore short sleeves because, to begin with, she only wore sweaters.

It was almost like Iris felt more compelled to hurt herself because no one truly cared to begin with.

But now, she had to care. She had to snap out of everything because she was moving.

Far away from the place she used to call home.

Far away from the teasing, and far away from her past.

༶•༶•༶

Their new home was rather big. Bigger than the house they lived in back in Canada.

Iris always had her own space because she was an only child. The size of her home never truly mattered. She always liked to stay in her room anyway.

"Iris, I think we might have to get rid of these sweaters!" Her mother, Sabrina called from the trunk of their civic.

"Yeah right!" Iris jumped out of the car, carrying her best friend in her arms. The cat's crate was slightly heavy and she shifted it carefully in her arms. Iris immediately felt a rush of heat engulf her. She realized that maybe tucking away those sweaters would encourage her to quit self-harming.

But she knew that she would just find another way or do it in places no one would see.

Shaking away the thoughts she said she would leave behind with her past, the sun beamed down on Iris's face and she instinctively shielded her eyes, using her free hand to grip the crate tighter.

Their neighbourhood seemed nice. The homes were tall, the streets were clean, and the sun illuminated everything. But it didn't seem like the type of place where she could fit in. It was all too perfect, unnerving in a way. Iris's eyes were immediately drawn to the house to the left of hers.

The windows upstairs seemed to be aligned with each other and Iris couldn't help but feel excited. What if a girl lived there? Maybe she could meet someone new. She had never had a girl best friend before.

Even better, what if she went to the same school as Iris would be going to?

The red-haired girl shook her thoughts away and mentally slapped herself. She was getting way ahead of everything.

༶•༶•༶

Eli Moskowitz was reading one of his Marvel comics when he suddenly heard a car pull into the driveway of the newly sold home. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should get up and take a look.

He sighed and flipped the page to his comic, too involved in the fight scene drawn in front of him.

But then he heard laughter. The kind of laughter that makes you want to hear who it's coming from. So, he dropped the book down on his bed and stood up, adjusting his forest-coloured sweater while doing so.

Eli was curious to know who was moving in. The house had been vacant for a while, waiting to be sold, and he was almost relieved when it finally was. He was never a fan of socializing, but he was always quite fond of the idea of having a friend who lived next door. Well, If the people moving in even had a kid.

He pulled up his ivory-coloured blinds and watched as two women first walked out of the car. One had dark skin with beautiful hair, that fell past her shoulders. The other women had olive skin and shorter hair that curled beneath her ears. They were both relatively young, and Eli smiled. They seemed so joyous. Like they have lived an exciting life.

But then his eyes froze and his mouth dropped slightly. He wasn't exactly prepared for what he saw next.

A girl about his age, with orangey-red hair, emerged from the car. She laughed at something one of the women said and shielded her eyes from the sun.

Her eyes were hidden beneath her bangs and Eli wondered what colour was tucked away from sight. 

What caught his attention the most was her sweater. It was just like his.

Eli softly smiled. His eyes were glued to her. The way the sun illuminated her waves and her mystery coloured eyes shun brighter than the sun when she smiled.

He was almost disappointed when she faded from his view and walked inside her home.

He left his blinds open and flopped back down on his bed. The comic book was long forgotten, and instead, he only had one thing on his mind.