𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚊𝚍 𝙱𝚘𝚢 (𝚋𝚡𝚋)

27.

Jaxon wakes up early in the morning, uncomfortable from the hotel mattress. He turns over in his sleep to lie against Shawn but doesn't feel him.

He sighs quietly to himself as he blinks himself awake slowly. His head was feasted against the pillow, in which he could see the small table that was in the room.

Shawn was sat at the table in complete silence, smoking a cigarette.

Jaxon sits up in the bed, rubbing his eyes not certain if he knew what he was seeing. Jaxon shoves the comforter off his body and stands up to walk over to Shawn.

He plucks the cigarette from his mouth, walking away to the bathroom to run it over with water.

Jaxon sighs and looks at himself in the mirror before making his way back into the room.

Shawn knew why Jaxon did what he did and wasn't even angry. He just reaches out to grab the coffee cup in front of him, taking a sip.

"Are you serious, Shawn?"

Shawn gulps his coffee down, not saying a word.

Jaxon pulls out a seat, sitting down, and running his hands through his hair. "Why? We've talked about this."

"Needed to take the edge off."

"So you resort to cigarettes? Didn't we agree you would smoke those anymore? You know how harmful they are."

"Who cares?" Shawn shrugs.

"W-Who cares? Are you serious?" Jaxon sighs again and sits back in his seat. "Look, I know you're going through a really tough time right now but...You need to talk to me. Don't put up a wall between us."

"It's one cigarette. I haven't smoked one since I was like sixteen, I'm fine," Shawn reaches down in his front pocket, handing the pack to Jaxon.

Jaxon reaches down and grabs it, noticing only one was missing from the pack. "Can we please talk? Who cares? I care, Shawn."

"I know that but...You don't get what I'm going through. I-I can't just sit here and wait for it to get better."

Jaxon nods his head. "I've been where you are-."

"You've never lost a parent," Shawn says. "You've never been abused by a parent, you've never-."

"Woah." Jaxon stands up. "Seriously? Trauma Olympics, is that what we're doing? You know everything that's happened between my family and me. It's not a competition."

Shawn nods his head and sighs. He leans forward and covers his face with both his hands. "Fuck."

Jaxon sits back down and grabs Shawn's hand. "I thought you said it was getting better."

"It is but...I'm...I don't know. I am feeling better but sometimes I feel so fucking anxious."

"Baby, it's not linear. You're gonna have steps back but you're gonna get better. You just have to be patient."

Shawn lifts his head and looks at Jaxon. "I'm sorry I said that. You know I don't mean it."

"I know, baby," Jaxon places a kiss on Shawn's shoulder. "How about we go get some breakfast? Take your mind off it?"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

**
Shawn shoves his pancakes in his mouth, feeling calmer than this morning. The pancakes dowsed in sugary syrup were calming his nerves.

Jaxon takes a sip from his coffee cup, glancing across the table. "Is it good?"

Shawn looks up and smiles, mouth full of food. "Mhm."

"That's good, baby," Jaxon smiles. "You wanna go to the shopping center? Before we go back home?"

Shawn finished chewing and swallows, shrugging. "Do you wanna?"

"Sure. I love to splurge a little."

After they are breakfast, where Shawn ended up ordering a cinnamon roll and a large milkshake to distract himself from wanting nicotine.

Shawn takes a long sip from his milkshake and points at a shirt. "Try that one. You'd look cute."

Jaxon furrows his brows and points, "This one?" Jaxon grabs it off the rack, putting it up to his chest. "You think so?"

"Mhm," Shawn nods. "And that one."

Jaxon grabs the other shirt off the rack. "I think I should try these on. Just in case."

They make their way to the dressing room, Jaxon having a handful of different clothes while Shawn had picked out two tee shirts.

Jaxon slides a shirt over his body, turning the side to decide if he liked it. He looks up at Shawn through the mirror. "I think I like it."

"Me too," Shawn says, reaching out to fix the shirt. "Yeah, fits you well."

Jaxon smiles and takes the shirt off, reaching down for the second shirt. He does the same motions, before shaking his head. "I think...I don't like this one. I look," Jaxon looks down at himself. "Disproportionate."

Shawn chuckles a little. "I think it may be too big," Shawn checks the tag, raising his eyebrows. "Why'd you get a large?"

"I thought it'd be a cute oversized!" Jaxon sighs and tilts his head. "Okay, imagine me sleeping in this. Would it be cute then?"

"I think it looks cute now."

Jaxon turns around and squints his eyes. "You're no help."

**
They make their rounds around the shopping center. Jaxon had two bags of clothes, Shawn having a few pieces as well. They also stopped at a pet store and grabbed some toys and a new collar for Kiko.

They were currently on their drive back to their apartment. Jaxon was humming to the radio and looking out the window when Shawn reaches forward to turn down the music.

"Hey, I just wanted to say...I'm sorry, again. I shouldn't have said that about you or your parents. Of course, you know what it's like."

"That's okay-."

"No, it's not. I don't like that I say things like that out of anger. Your my fiancé and I shouldn't try to hurt you just because I'm going through shit."

"I get it, love," Jaxon grabs Shawn's free hand, kissing it.

"I just wanna work on that. I don't wanna speak out of anger and I don't wanna shut you out. I love you."

"I love you too, baby," Jaxon leans over the console and kisses the side of Shawn's head. "So so much."

**