𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚊𝚍 𝙱𝚘𝚢 (𝚋𝚡𝚋)

39.

a/n: kinda short but i love it

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Jaxon sat beside Shawn in his therapist's office. He fidgets with the engagement ring on his finger, looking around the room. Shawn has his hand on Jaxon's thigh, his leg shaking up and down. His therapist walks into the room with a smile on her face.

"Hello!"

Shawn smiles back at her. "Hey, Catherine. This is Jaxon, my fiancé."

"Jaxon! It is so great to finally meet you! I've heard such good things about you."

Jaxon smiles. "Likewise."

Dr.Smith takes a seat, folding her hands over her lap. "Shawn," She starts. "Since you called and asked me to see you both?"

"Oh, right," Shawn says, taking a deep breath. He turns his attention to Jaxon, who offers a sweet smile. "I know we've already talked about it but...I didn't want you to think I'm like...retreating from us. I just wanted you to understand why I'm reluctant on the whole children thing."

Jaxon nods his head in understanding. He locks eyes with Shawn, waiting for him to continue speaking.

"You already know everything about my childhood and losing my mom. I constantly question my ability to be a parent. I know I wanna break the cycle of abuse but I'm terrified of making that mistake. Knowing and doing are two totally different things."

Jaxon reaches down to grab Shawn's hand, noticing he is shaking a little bit. "I understand, Shawn. I've seen your fears and I know how they affect you. I just...I know you can be the father you want to be."

"But that's the thing...You don't know," Shawn says, a frown on his face.

Dr.Smith clears her throat. "Jaxon, I know you know Shawn like the back of your hand but it's essential to acknowledge and respect Shawn's experiences and concerns. He's taking a brave step by sharing his vulnerabilities with you. Together, we can work through these fears and help you both move forward, hand in hand, toward building the family you both desire."

Jaxon looks at Dr.Smith and smiles, squeezing Shawn's hand. "I'm sorry. I get it...I just," He shakes his head a little. "I don't like the way you word it. Like...You can't be good. I've seen you take care of everyone around you and I want you to realize your potential."

"And I totally agree with you!" Dr. Smith says, a smile on her face. "Shawn, it is good that you recognize your fears but your past experiences do not define you. In fact, your awareness is a very good sign of emotional intelligence. It shows you know you have to work through these problems before taking the step."

Shawn nods his head in agreement. "I'm just scared. I don't wanna fuck this up."

Jaxon smiles softly. "We're in this together, Shawn. I promise you that."

"You're not...disappointed in me? I know you really want that. To be a parent. A father and raise a child with me. You've talked about it since we first started dating."

"No, of course not," Jaxon shakes his head. "This doesn't change how I feel about you. I want us to raise a child but on both of our terms. The same way you waited for me, I can wait for you. And I will."

Dr.Smith smiles at the soft nature of the two. "It's wonderful to see the comfortability and security you two have found within each other." She gives a reassuring smile. "Shawn, your fears are valid but remember they don't define you. Jaxon, your support is beautiful to see and will make the process for him go by easier. It's very evident to me that you two can overcome this challenge."

"Jaxon, please remember you're allowed to be upset and have your own fears. Parenthood is one of the many shared journeys you will both experience. The most important thing for the both of you right now is being open about your emotions and supporting each other equally."

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Jaxon was sitting at the table at the restaurant Shawn had chosen. He had walked off to grab some napkins after spilling his soda on the table. He appears with a stack of napkins in his hand.

"Jeez, baby. Did you need all of those?" Jaxon asks, his eyes widening at all the napkins Shawn had.

Shawn shrugs his shoulders. "I needed to make sure we had enough."

Jaxon laughs at him and watches him wipe down his side of the table. "Hey, Shawn?"

"What's up?"

"I'm glad you took me with you to therapy today," Jaxon says, his hands placed in his lap. "I'm sorry if I haven't been as...understanding lately. I know what you experienced changed your perception of things and it isn't fair for me to undermine how you feel."

Shawn smiles a little. "Thanks, baby. I hope you didn't feel bombarded. I just...didn't know how to talk about it. And, I needed to hear her out too, I guess. And, I'm sorry for keeping the whole thing a secret for so long."

"It's okay. It's not an easy topic to bring up." Jaxon replies. "I think maybe my whole future rants can be a little overwhelming at times."

"I guess I'm just not used to things changing so much, you know?" Shawn sits back in his seat. "There's a lot to consider when it comes to having a kid."

"Yeah, I know." Jaxon lifts his hand to grab Shawn's. "How about we make a deal? We lay off the kids talk until...a year after marriage. We'll be settled in and hopefully in a better place. It'll all work a whole lot better."

"Are you sure?" Shawn asks.

"I'm positive." Jaxon smiles.

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