Between Octobers

October 18th

October 18th

I woke to the sound of my alarm blaring and smashed the top of the clock. Hobbling out of bed, I felt anxious to shake off my strange dream. I was riding the city bus all over Los Angeles. Solomon was the bus driver who wouldn't let me off. He kept telling me if I wanted off, I'd have to jump. But the bus was moving so fast and the speed scared me.

I made my coffee, took my vitamins, read my devotional, and hit the treadmill. The list of things I needed to accomplish—costume shopping was a must—was clouded with thoughts of Evan and his manicured hands. After a shower, I got the kids up. We kept quiet for Marcus, who was still sawing logs on the living room floor.

Once Caleb and Noah got off to school, the house was filled with glorious silence. Everyone else was still sleeping and I felt like cooking. I took out my ingredients and got to work on country potatoes, eggs with bacon, and fluffy pancakes. Contentedly craving carbs, my light mood made me go overboard. By the time Lily woke up, everything was done. We sat at the table and talked over breakfast.

"Don't you think Marcus is a nice guy?" She asked.

"Yes. He's cute, too, despite the full beard." 

"Yeah," Lily sighed, resting her index finger on her bottom lip. "I'm going to ask him to trim it. I keep wondering what the bottom half of his face looks like." And then she started blabbing on about upcoming Halloween. I tried to pay attention to what she was saying, mentally reiterating as she spoke. 

"Want to go with me to get the kids' costumes? I saw some cute ones in the window of that Halloween store downtown." 

"We should try there first," she agreed.

It didn't mean anything to him so it shouldn't mean anything to me.

Forcing my scattered brain to focus, I worked through ideas for Caleb's costume. That week he wanted to be a cowboy or a soldier, and before that it was his favorite yellow sponge. Probably anything familiar would do. He was far too excited about Halloween candy to care much about the attire. Noah swore he didn't want to dress up—said he was too mature—but I planned to pick up something in case he changed his mind.

I wondered if Evan would want to go trick-or-treating with us. If he would expect me to invite him, or simply show up like he had been doing throughout the week. I hoped he would assume he was invited, but—

I gave a frustrated sigh. It seemed impossible to put him out of my mind. Wherever my thoughts started, no matter the subject, he was somehow interjected. The first and last cognizant thoughts I had yesterday were about him. 

"Can I ask you something?" I interrupted Lily describing the costume she planned to buy herself. "What am I supposed to do about Evan?" I didn't really want to ask, but I had no experience. His actions may have meant nothing, but they sure felt like something. 

"Grace, you're uncomfortable with his attention. You have to tell him. You can't let him chase if there's no chance of catching you." She said it so plainly—simplifying my conundrum while sipping her coffee.

"That's the problem; I'm not uncomfortable. But I think I should be. I really like him, Lil. I like his odd sense of humor. He's always making me laugh. How long has it been since I really laughed?"

 "You do find him very funny." 

"And his accent . . ." I sighed. "Just talking about him gets me all squishy inside." I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks. "I have so much fun with him even if we're just sitting around talking."

"Then what's the problem?"

 "What would Sol think?"

"He'd hate him for wanting to date his wife."