Between Octobers

April 2nd

April 2nd

Every day was the same routine—run, walk the dog, shower, cook, take care of kids, go to work, cook some more, and clean—except now I was waiting, too. Waiting for the test results. And thinking of Noah, hoping he was making wise choices. Apparently, between the two of us, I was the only one who cared about his virtue. 

I didn't feel like cooking dinner. There was too much on my mind. I was sitting at the table over a half-eaten PBJ while Lily dug through the fridge, looking for leftovers.

When the phone rang, I snatched it. "Hello?"

"Grace, it's Dr. Grainger."

Gulp. "Hi."

"I have your test results."

Gulp.

"Your blood work shows elevated levels of hCG. I wanted to give my most heartfelt congratulations to you and your husband. Going by the dates you gave, you should be due around November 19th."

"Dear, sweet Jesus—" My throat closed. 

"And don't worry. I'll keep it quiet," she assured, though she didn't need to.

It was against privacy policies to share medical information. The fact that I knew her and the team in the lab personally was a good thing. If they sold me out, I knew where to find them.

"Uh, thanks." I said, and said a quick goodbye.

"Who was that?" Lily asked.

I'd kept the situation to myself because when I told anyone, it was supposed to be Evan first, then Lily. But I wasn't planning on her being there when I found out or him being so distant. Ever the master of avoidance, I wasn't planning at all.

"Are you alright?" She touched my arm. "Grace?"

"I'm pregnant." It was a battle to hold back the flood of emotion. She belted a shocking laugh. "I'm due November 19th."   

"Evan's going to flip." She squealed, laughing when I jumped, deliriously happy despite the trepidation. "I have to call Marcus!" She checked her watch, "I don't care if I wake him up." She grabbed the phone and started to dial, then paused. "What are you waiting for? Marcus can't find out before Evan does."

I giggled, infected with enthusiasm, and grabbed the cell from my back pocket. Once inside my room, I sat on the bed and dialed.

"Hey baby," Evan answered graciously. "I can't talk. We're about to start rolling." He laughed, "Good thing you called now instead of a few moments from now. It would've ruined the take. I'm literally standing on my mark waiting to hear 'action.'"

"Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt." 

"Alright then, we'll talk when I'm done for the day. I'll call as soon as I get back to the hotel."

Just before the line clicked, several frustrated voices murmured over how unprofessional it was that his ringer hadn't been turned off.

Lily was in the doorway when I looked up. She had the receiver on her ear, apologizing to Marcus for waking him, pretending she forgot the time difference. After hanging up, she asked what happened.

"He was busy," I worked up a smile. "I can wait a few hours to deliver the news."

"So can I," she agreed, setting the phone down.

By eight o'clock, Lily had gone home. The house was clean again. So were the kids and Arnold.

By 12:30, I was dead tired and still waiting. I assumed they'd quit for the day and called him. The phone went straight to voicemail. I left a message and decided to get some sleep. I could not let myself worry about anything. 

Twisting to my side in the massive bed, I placed a line of pillows behind me. The dried rose Evan gave me on our first date sat in a slender vase on the nightstand.

Soon, he would come home and sleep beside me the way he used to. I couldn't wait to have him back again. I'd make his favorite foods and kiss him whenever I wanted. I giggled, remembering the look on his face that day in the bathroom at the museum. Then the night we broke in the new swimming pool, and fell asleep together on the couch. I woke up, freezing my butt off, while he was snuggled up in the blanket. He was always hanging around then. I couldn't have gotten rid of him even if I wanted to.   

I didn't want to consider it, but couldn't help wondering. What if he really didn't want a baby?

Anxious, I dialed his number again. Again, it went straight to voicemail. I listened as the recording played, "Leave a message at the tone and someone will get back to you. Eventually."

"Evan, it's me. Again. I know you're busy, but could you please call? I need to talk to you. It's important. It'll only take a second and I don't want to say it to a machine." I barely got the last word out before the beep sounded. 

Defeated, I flung myself onto the pile of pillows surrounding me and closed my eyes. Time would pass faster if I slept. It took time to shut my mind off, but eventually I drifted.