It was just in Lea's wildest dreams that she and Regine were finally getting married. Regine proposing to her made it all the more special, proving how deep her devotion to Lea had become. "Ang saya ko. Ang saya saya ko," Lea remembered saying that the moment she realised that Regine was down on one knee.
Present time...
"To have and to hold, in sickness and in health. Hinding hindi man lolokohin ulit, hinding hindi iiwan muli. I love you so much, Lea Carmen."
The last few lines of Regine's vow echoed in Lea's mind as their discussion ensued. "I love you, Lea. But... it's not enough. Best friend lang tingin ko sa'yo."
Lea cradled her tummy. Nine months pregnant and x days until she gives birth, the truth should've come out later, she thought. But she realised that knowing after wouldn't make a difference. The love of her life just admitted that she saw her as a companion, the very best among the rest but not the greatest yet; not the one to be considered to commit to and spend the rest of Regine's lifetime with, for sure.
"Is there someone else AGAIN, Regine?" Lea bit the wall of her cheek, hoping and praying that it was just mere incompetence on her end and not the scary idea of someone loving Regine better.
"Lea..." The sound of Lea's name tasted bitter coming out from Regine's mouth. She was no longer love, babe, and baby. She was just... Lea.
"I'm sorry. Yes... I fell in love with someone..." Lea squirmed in her seat from the pain of hearing the wails of their newborn daughter, and it was as if their unborn daughter knew what was happening, she kicked her mother profusely; an act of letting her mum know that she knew she was in pain and she was there for her.
"I promise to be the best mother to Stella and Simone. I just... you're my best friend, Lea."
"I know, Reg. You've been saying that incessantly. I get it! I get that I'm your best friend," Lea held on to her tummy, trying to soothe herself but the anger and pain were just too strong. "Why did you marry me if you're still uncertain of US? Regine, mahal kita at... alam kong alam mong hinding hindi ko gagawin 'to sa'yo."
"Bakit mo naman kami ginanto?" It was bound to be said. Regine's firstborn with another man, Vernice, clung to Lea like she was her biological mother. And she was. Lea hated it when people would impose that Lea could never love Vernice unconditionally because she did. She had been doing that for years.
"Hindi ko sinasadya, Lea," Lea was in disbelief. There she was again with her forced obliviousness. "Hindi mo nanaman sinadya, Reg? Pangatlo na 'to... and we don't only have Vernice, Reg. We PLANNED Stella and Simone. Eight years, Reg," Lea tasted metal in her mouth, probably from the rigidness of her bite.
"Eight years. Tatlong beses mong sinabi na gusto mong bigyan si Vernice ng maayos na pamilya... and I said I would give that to you. Posible naman 'yun. Posibleng posible," Lea felt a lump in her throat.
"Pero anong rason mo tuwing nagloloko ka? Gusto mong bigyan si Vernice ng MATINONG pamilya. You degrade my being because you're wrapped in wanting to submit to conventionality. Pero nilunok ko na magalit sa'yo, kasi right mo naman 'yun, 'di ba? You have the right na bawiin si Vernice at 'yung pagmamahal mo sa akin kapag convenient sa'yo!"
"Lea... no..."
But Lea was intent on sending her message. Years of repressed emotions and feelings had led her to say every skeleton she had been hiding in the closet.
"You only crawl back to me when it's convenient for you, Reg. You crawl back to me when you see me happy without you. That's shit, Reg," Lea took a deep breath.
"All this time ikaw nagdedesisyon. Ginawa mong fairytale 'yung istorya natin pero ngayong natapos mo nang isulat 'yung libro at nagsawa ka na, iiwan mo nanaman ako..." Lea prides herself in the fact that she was never one to shed tears even in the most hurtful times. But this was different. This was one of the many situations where her heart and her eyes could agree with each other.
"I'm sorry, Lea..."
"You always are, Reg. You have always been good at apologising to the point that you think it's ok to keep making the same mistake. This time, I hope you know it's different. This time, I'm hoping for the best for you and I hope I never have to hear about you again. I'll be a parent to our children, but I won't be anyone to you. I'm done, Reg."
