I took the bottle of tequila from Lea, fighting for the bottle as she fought for her life.
"Amina nga 'yan! Salonga, isa!" I warned her.
Lea snickered. "Tangina naman, Viceral! Minsan ko lang abususuhin yung atay ko! Let me be!"
"Tanga. Abusuhin 'yon. Abususuhin mo mukha mo. Tama na 'yan, Lea. Lasing ka na!" She laughed, and a touch of evilness dominated her giggles.
"Not drunk enough for Regine to come back to me, Vice. Kaunti pa't pasasaan maawa rin siya sa akin." Nainis ako. This was out of character for Lea. The Lea Salonga I knew would never stoop this low to get what she wanted.
"Tangina, Lea. Talaga? Talaga ba?"
Tears welled from her eyes, her gaze darting. "You can say all you want. I'm drunk, but not stupid enough to not know that you think lowly of me. I'm slurring, Vice, but I know deep in my heart I have to try and do everything to get her back to me."
It hurt me to see her like this. It hurt me when Regine got engaged when I knew deep in my heart that both of my best friends had their lives set with each other and not the other way around.
"I'm pathetic. But who cares? If I'm set to lose the only one that I truly loved, pathetic is an understatement for what I'm already feeling. My heart is shattered, my soul is seared, and my insides are wounded. I'm already the fucking underdog, so I might as well live my life treading dangerous waters. If I'm losing Regine, I might as well push myself to the edge."
The monologue silenced me. How does life work this way? How does the all-knowing being overseeing us get to have their peaceful life after knowing that they've given us the happiest moments only for them to rob those precious times from us in the end?
"I'd rather lose myself, Vice. I'd rather lose what's left of my dignity than not try and fight for her." Lea sobbed. Her helpless demeanour was a surprise. The usually prim, proper, and staid Lea was no longer prim, proper, and staid. She's just... miserable.
"You don't have to tell me I don't deserve this. Alam ko. Alam ko. Pero, where do I put these?" Lea pointed to her heart. "Where do I put all these plans that I have for us? The feelings I thought were enough to last us a lifetime? It's so cruel for life to give me Regine only for her to be given to another her. "
Lea took another swig of tequila. "Hindi ko alam kung anong kasalanan ko sa mundo para bigyan ako ng panandaliang kasiyahan at panghabang buhay na kalbaryo. I'm not kind, but I'm not Satan. I want to know why and why not. I want a reason for my grief, Vice. I want a fucking reason for all my losses. I want to know what's there for me to gain."
But I had no answer. I had no answer for why Regine married another woman who wasn't Lea. I had no answer as to why we all thought forever existed in them.
"I'm sorry, Lei..." was all I could say.
"Call her," Lea demanded. "Call her and let her know. Maybe she'll take me back. Maybe there's still a piece of me left in her heart."
My angry disposition was gone, replaced by a softer gaze and touch. "Regine's getting married tomorrow, Lea. It's over."
"Once upon a time, Regine and I were also getting married tomorrow until her ex-girlfriend called and pleaded to take her back." Desperation began in Lea's eyes. "Maybe she'll take me back too."
