Never Forgotten

Part 1

Part 1

It was a cold but beautiful February day. The sun rose, making the new fallen snow sparkle like diamonds.
Marlena woke up with an all too familiar feeling.
The feeling of deep sorrow, sadness, grief and longing sought through her body just like the sun rays through her bedroom window. Thankfully it was only on this specific day each year that this feeling was so strong, so intense that she found herself wanting to stay in bed all day and just forget about the world outside.
For the first few years these feelings were present every day, even in her sleep she couldn't escape them, but as the years went by they would only overcome her every now and then. But on this date 25 years later, they were still as present and strong as ever.
She closed her eyes and crawled under the covers, hiding her head under her pillow as memories flashed. Sweet memories of a love so deep, so powerful and so all consuming that they still made her heart flutter. And then memories of heartbreak, a tearful goodbye and the loss of the other half of her heart.
25 years seemed like a lifetime ago and yet it felt like it was just yesterday that she saw him for the last time.
A lot had happened since that day he left Salem, left her and the family he used to call his own.
Marlena didn't have many regrets about the life that she had lived...only one...that she let him leave. She couldn't help but think that her life would have turned out a lot different, if she had made it to the airplane in time to stop him from leaving.
But she didn't make it...the feeling of her heart breaking, as she saw the plane take off and fly away with what she now knew was the great love of her life, made her burst into tears as she cried of what could have been and what she had lost.

The ringing of her phone brought her out of her misery and forced her to face the day.
"Hello!" She answered with annoyance, leaving no doubt to the caller that she was not in the mood for talking.

"Well good morning to you too!" Laura said laughing. She and Marlena had been friends for over 30 years and she knew that especially today was going to be tough for Marlena to get through.
"I'm just calling to let you know that I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to. Do you have plans for today?" She asked, worried about her best friend.

Marlena sighed, grateful for her friend's concern.
"Laura, thank you for your concern but really, I'm fine, don't worry about me." It was a lie and she knew Laura knew as well.
"Romas is working on a case out of town and I'm just getting ready for work, so everything is just fine". She put her head under the pillow again and hoped that Laura would believe her. It was only half a lie really, she did need to go to work. She had made sure to have a busy day today with patients to see, making sure she didn't have too much time alone to dwell in the tremendous amount of pain she knew was certain to overwhelm her.

"Don't think you can fool me Marlena, but I will let it go and just let you know that I'm here if you need me". Laura knew better than to push her. She used to do that for the first few years, push her to talk about her feelings, about the pain she felt in her heart, talk about him...but Marlena would always shut down saying that there was nothing to talk about and it wouldn't change anything. Pretty double standard coming from a psychiatrist who believed that people should work through trauma and other important events in their life in order to heal themselves and be able to move on.

Marlena thanked Laura for calling and quickly hung up. Looking at the time she realized that she was running late. After a quick shower, she was dressed and ready to leave for work.

She arrived at her office at the hospital only 15
minutes late and was greeted by her assistant Kelly who let her know that her first appointment was in 30 minutes.
As she sat down in her chair she noticed the bouquet of flowers on her desk. She reached for the small card and opened it.
Happy anniversary Doc. Sorry I can be with you to celebrate. Love Roman.
She let out a deep sigh. It was ironic...the saddest day in her life was also supposed to be a happy one. Remembering back to this day 25 years ago when she came back home after her failed attempt to stop him from leaving, she found her house full of family and friends, ready to celebrate her wedding anniversary with Roman. She was completely taken by surprise, their anniversary never crossed her mind that day. She tried her best to disguise the tears of sadness and heartbreak and plastered on a fake smile. Nobody but Laura noticed.

Shaking her head she tried to banish the memories and started preparing for her first patient.

———

"Hello Jack, please take a seat" Marlena welcomed him. Jack was a new patient of hers. She didn't know much about him and why he needed her help. He was a handsome young man, 22 years old, black hair and blue eyes. The last time she saw eyes with that special shade of blue was 25 years ago.
"Thank you Dr. Evans for seeing me on such short notice. I'm new in Salem, but when I asked around for a good psychiatrist, everybody recommended you". He smiled at her, feeling very comfortable in her presence. She immediately had the ability to make one feel like this was a safe place to talk about difficult things.
Her warm smile and trusting eyes told him that he had indeed come to the right person.

"Thank you Jack, that's kind of you to say. I hope I will live up to your expectations then. So tell me what brought you here to Salem and to my office" She asked as sat down, put on her glasses and found her notebook and a pen. She felt intrigued by this young man, curious about who he was...he had this special aura around him, something familiar and yet mysterious.

Jack was unsure about where to start, a lot of thoughts troubled his mind. So he decided to start from the beginning....

——-

It had been a long and busy day, just as she planned it to be. Her mind had been occupied, leaving her no time to think about anything other than work and her patients.
As she was getting ready to leave for the day it hit her again..."Oh god I miss him", she acknowledged as she said the words out loud.
It was as if the longing for him was even stronger than it used to be. Thinking about why that could be, she could only come up with the conclusion that her new patient Jack, in some ways reminded her of him. There was something about the way he carried himself, some of the words he used and those blue eyes that reminded her so much of him.
Gathering her purse and locking the door she made her way to her car, intent on going straight home and sleep for the rest of the day.

As she crawled into bed and made herself comfortable, she decided that maybe it was time to do a little soul searching. She needed to have a serious conversation with herself, well actually it was long overdue, she never allowed herself to face her true feelings. But at this moment she realized that this couldn't continue. She had been pretending to be fine all these years, pretending that what she shared with him didn't matter, that it was buried and in the past, pretending that the deep love she had for him disappeared the day that Roman came back. She had been pretending that she was happy in her marriage with Roman but the truth was the complete opposite. She did love Roman, but not as a husband or a lover. They hadn't been intimate in years and that didn't even bother her.
Staying married to him was out of obligation at first, but as the years went by it became out of comfort and safety. It wasn't that she was afraid of being alone, on the contrary. If she was alone she wouldn't have to pretend and put on this fake facade that she was happy with her life. She laughed at the irony of the situation. If a patient came to her and expressed what she just admitted, she would say... Follow your heart, you can't be any good for anyone, if you don't take yourself and your feelings seriously.
But the reality was, that she was 55 years old now and the thought of starting a new life alone seemed unmanageable.
She lay down and closed her eyes, happy to let dreams of him enter her unconsciousness. Dreams of happier times, of passion and desire, of them making love...his hands on her body and his magical kisses.

Meanwhile across the country, the man in her dreams just received an invitation to attend a wedding in Salem.