Y/ns pov
Me and chan walked into my apartment ,he had a bag with him so he could stay for a couple days.
" are you sure you're ok with this?" Chan asked for the millionth time now.
" yes, you make me feel happy for once. It'll be a nice change of pace " I chuckled " now stop asking that "
He nodded with a slight smile on his face and sat down on the couch. " should I sleep here?" He asked
" nah. you can take my bed, I'll sleep on the couch." I replied, brushing it off
" but....this is your house, you're the host I'm your guest?" he seemed shocked by the suggestion
" and as your host " I leaned down so I was level with him " I want you to sleep on the bed "
The room was plunged into silence, chans face was bright red , his eyes were slightly widened and he was biting his lip .
" what?" I smirked, sudden confidence taking over making me lean closer and placing my hand on the back of the couch "flustered?"
Chan looked down " you went from cute to hot so quick"
I laughed and pulled away " life of a switch I guess " I shrugged "do you want anything to drink? Its pretty cold, I make a good hot chocolate "
" if hot chocolate is available, who am I to turn it down?" He chuckled
" marshmallows, or nah?" I asked
" Marshmallows" he nodded
" ok, be right back"
~~~~
I laid on the couch, the room pitch dark while I stared up at the ceiling with a thin blanket covering me.
Horrible thoughts flooded through my head while I scratched my wrists to relieve the overwhelming urge to burn them. I felt myself growing more and more desperate to hurt myself.
" cmon" my strained voice filled the empty living room " just calm down, please "
It was as if I could feel his hands touching my body all over again , I rolled onto my side and pulled my knees to my chest.
a lump began to form in my throat , why wouldn't this dreadful feeling go away. Why did I let this happen again? Why am I so stupid.
Before I could even tell what was happened there were tears streaming down my face , I squeezed my legs tightly, burrowing my face into them.
" why am I even alive at this point?" I sobbed loudly
" y/n?" A voice echoed through the living room as the light switched on
I began to panic, not wanting it to happen a third time. I could no longer breathe as my body shook.
" y/n, calm down, it's me. Its chan" he sat down beside me and rubbed by back
" please distract me, distract me from t-the .... rape " I choked out reaching out to him " please, I need to feel something. something that makes me feel good, something that makes me only able to think about that one thing" I hyperventerlated further "get me a drink, i-i need a drink"
" Absolutely not" chan replied, pushing me down against the couch " dont drink, talk to me. I'm here to help" he looked as if he could cry
" I can't " I shook my head "give me a distraction " I grabbed the collar of his shirt, accidentally causing him to mount my waist "anything , I beg you "
He looked down, his face soft and caring " what kind of distraction?" He asked sweetly , caressing my cheek as he did so
" kiss me"
His eyes widened " wait w-what?" He shook his head "y/n , you dont want that. You were just raped, you're confused. You want to feel something which was done with consent. But you dont want that"
" chan , please " I begged, tears streaming down my face and dripping from my chin " just once, I need it. I need to feel something good, chan I need you "
" y/n, you dont need me. You need someone you really love, you need to surround yourself with people who love you ." He denied " we've known each other for three days, and I know you're struggling but you're jumping into stuff to quick"
" I know " I covered my face with my hands and cried " but-but you have made me feel happier than I ever have in my life, and this just feels right....and I know its uncomfortable ,I dont expect you to want to talk to me . But you are just so good to me and I've never had anyone be nice to me before a--"
Chan pulled my hands off of my face and smashed his lips into mine, my eyes widened at first but soon a calmed down and kissed back.
He pulled away "feel any better?" He asked
" i-im sorry " I shook my head " I pressured you to do that and-- god you must hate me! You can go home, you probably don't want to even look at me- actually, I'll go"
I wormed my way out from underneath him and got up, walking towards the front door.
Before exiting I slipped on some shoes and left the room
What am I doing? Why did I force him into that, I know what it feels like to be forced into romance. That wasn't right that was unfair and stupid.
" you're so stupid " I spoke between gritted teeth
I ran as far away from the apartment as I could....
