, crying
The start of life
The moment of birth
When I first came to be.
Do I deserve to live?
That's what I often wonder
I don't...
At least that's what I used to think
Now I know that's not true
I'm sad and I'm crying
But at least I know
I don't deserve to be lying
, dying
life by living- me at 3am drunk
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Do we really deserve to live? That's a question I've asked myself a thousand times; humans create the worst type of pain, we hurt ourselves and we hurt each other. Hurting is all we know how to do and all I have ever learned. While hurting we came and while hurting we'll go.
Poor girl didn't know what to do the second she was born, she didn't feel alive. She looked through and through, but she didn't feel anything for her, nor for anyone; hatred to her own family, hatred to the world and even more hatred to herself. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to be part of this hateful and horrible world that her parents put her in.
Mother begs, mother cries, mother yells. "Why do you have to be like this? I gave you everything you ever wanted." You never gave me what I wanted, I never wanted alive and yet you still gave it to me. How could I be happy when you gave me something like that. You took life out of yourself to make me, only for me to not want it.
Father screams, father's angry, father's disappointed. "How could you be so egocentric? How could you be so self-centered? Mom gave you everything, I gave you everything, we gave you everything. Can't you just be grateful?" You know I can't, you know life has no meaning if you don't want it. I've never felt alive, so I waste it like it's nothing, since I don't want it.
I never experienced the want of being alive, I don't see nor understand why people want to be living. I'm unthankful for the gift I've been given, to be able to talk, to be able to hear, to be able to see, to be able to walk, to be able to move, to be able to hug, to be able to love, to be able to be alive.
Many years have passed and I finally came to the conclusion that life is not only a gift, it's the lottery, it's something that not everyone gets and that many don't get to enjoy. I have matured throughout the years and it has helped me understand what life really is.
Even if you feel empty, even if you feel sad, even if you feel like you don't deserve to live, know that you do, because one day you're going to realize, but it will probably be too late. Take a leap, take a chance, and hear me when I say, love yourself for once.
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