Author Games: Dungeon Brawl

the First Scores

Y'all weren't joking when you signed up for this AG. You all rocked the boats with creative entries that showcased a wide variety of writing types and characters. There was so much to go through here! I am very happy to have gotten to properly review all the entries and score them. Now, be aware, this is one judge's thoughts alone, so there are no second opinions to help counter mine. If you feel something wasn't fair, or have an issue, let me know. I will be putting a few notes next to your scores here. If you want notes in greater detail, please let me know and I will message you privately your score breakdown, all the things that I paid attention to when reading, and how I scored it.

Without further ado, let's go through our scores!

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Captain Odette Rainmaker: 14.4

I really loved this entry. The description of the event, the way it ended, and even the way they had to get over the hurdles, was perfect. Great creativity. I did see a few misplaced words (backwards instead of backward, tourneymen (?), foot stomping instead of foot-stomping, leapt instead of leaped).This was basically perfect. I loved the realistic way it was fought. My only concerns would be the realism of her showing no signs of wanting to make it harder for him and there's no reasoning behind her actions at the end of kicking his hands off. It felt hateful almost and really came at a surprise at the rest of the entry where they work together and are described as allies. I'm certain this will be explained more later, but I figured I'd mention my first reaction to it.

Yasmin Aziz: 13.5

The fight scene was probably my favorite part of this entry with how fast paced and strong it read. You've got a really solid feel to your writing and a good style that fits with your character. My main concerns would be that it didn't feel all that creative...and with the ending, it's uncertain if she's going to make it to the next round. It felt like someone dropping out of the games. Even if the solution is that she makes it due to the illegal dagger, it feels off. I wish there was some communication for this because, on its own, it leaves me wondering if the participant wants to continue in the games. I saw a few issues grammatically that stood out to me due to punctuation and dialogue tags.

Marina Santana: 13.5

I loved the beginning with a letter. It aids a certain feel. The overall writing of our entry was really well done and stylistically it really felt like a much larger story. I was surprised, though, when it immediately shifted to the POV of someone not reading the letter or having written the letter. It feels a little off. I would expect one or the other, but with both, it feels off. This could just be something that is explained later. The ending felt too quick and gave me some concerns as to whether she'd actually make it through based on the reactions of everyone and how she just...blatantly murdered a ton of people? It seemed like we didn't have enough time to end the entry properly. I would have loved to see a little more there. Overall it is really creative. I didn't see any other entries like this. There are some grammatical issues with sentence structure and wording.

Sade: 14.0

"It's only natural that something blossoms where only nothing is in its way. There is a spark like lightning which originates in Samuel's breast, but also flashes clearly across his now hollow, unbosoming eyes. If the fool Zaccary had not been busy weighing other options, he surely would have seen such a nonpareil spectacle and ran for his life. Alas. But all this is to say how severely Sam had been enslaved by the stimulus; he was an automaton and something had turned his key. The spark had lit the absence in him like incense and his blood started to swell and fishing nets of capillaries lifted his heart, his lung, and his brain back to where they belong, and all at once, each of Sam's organs recollected themselves and realized that he was incensed."

this is terrifying.

I'm so intrigued by how this is written. This is by far the most creative thing I've seen and read and it makes me want to read more instantly. Who is Sade? How does she operate? Are the boys even important? Is there an important character to focus on or is there merely a story being told? It's hard to judge realism with an entry such as this one. Were the events realistic? I think I would say yes, though it's hard to tell which events are relevant to the story and thus forth would be judged more as far as realism goes. The dialogue I struggled a little more with realism, it felt a little off at times.