"Why does your body look like this?"
I looked down on my hands. They nervously picked at each other. I knew Cedric knew it was my father. But it made me feel ill just to think about it, so could I answer this?
"Aria". Cedric said and my mind snapped back to reality.
"Mhm?" I responded. Looking Cedric in his beautiful eyes. Knowing that we needed to fix our relationship before it broke fully.
The boy let his hands rest on top of mine. "Aria what happened to your face?" As we looked in each others eyes I could feel butterflies in my lower stomach. Making me smiling shyly and looking away from Cedric.
My stomach then growled instead. Stretching different ways and making me sick. "I had a fight with my father. But that wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about."
Telling Cedric that I was a deatheater and lied to Voldemort about him would either brake us up or figure ourselves out. I wasn't ready at all, but there would never be a good moment for this talk. Rip the bandage off, right?
"I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to".
Cedric swallowed and my eyes followed his throat moving. Then flicked back to his eyes and feeling warmth filling my body.
"I'm a deatheater".
His hands dropped from mine. Leaving my body getting cooler and the warmth leaving with his touch. Cedric looked away from me, tearing up a little but not nearly enough to let tears fall. My heart ached not knowing what was to happen. But I could sense it wasn't going to be beautiful.
"Cedric... say something". My voice was weak. Shaky almost. My eyes twitchy and mouth dry.
He cleared his throat and looked at me again, his eyes dry now, "For how long?". Our conversation left the walls cold and anxious. The entire roum filled actually, with anxiety and our bodys' feeling oddly.
I stayed quiet. Feeling how shame and disgust rose in my mind, creating a dark cloud floating in my body. Anxiety. A rather funny word, spreading from the muggle world and into ours.
"Thirteen months". Wether I spoke the truth or not I could feel my heart sinking under my breast. I wish Cedric would still love me for who I was on the inside, not because of the family I was born in.
Once again he stayed silent. I felt like the air almost got thicker. Harder to breathe. Less valuable. Not true of course, the air was still the same as it ever was. Just me who changed.
Cedric's whole body moved before he took a deep breath and opened his mouth, "Why haven't you told me?" He asked boldly and looked up the ceiling. Surely he was trying to hide the tears flooding his eyes.
I felt my stomach fill with anxiety, making me want to throw up all of my intestines. "I- ". My body shivered. There was no point in lying to him, just telling the truth and we would be at our best. "I didn't want you to hate me. I love you so much I just want to live like we do now". I mumbled as tears spread my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.
Cedric wouldn't just let this go, I'm not that stupid. But I respected his calmness a lot. If I were him I probably would've snapped.
"Right". That was the only thing that left his cold mouth. Not saying anything else he stood up and left. He didn't say where, and honestly, I didn't care right now. I just wanted to have a long talk with my mother.
—-
We sat face to face at the kitchen counter. Two mugs of pumpkin juice in-between us. I hadn't tasted mine, just moved around a spoon a little. When I was younger I used to talk to my mother a lot. And I could talk to her pretty easily. But now, not so much. This was the first time in over a year that we spoke just the two of us.
Clara's hands moved to the back of her head and gathered her hair, then she took a hair-tie and put up her hair. I always admired the colour of it, and I always dreamed to have such beautiful hair as her.
"Honey, how are you doing?" My mother asked. Her eyes flickered and she took a small sip of her juice. "I know something happened. I got an owl sent" She paused and looked me in the eyes. "It was from Dumbledore". Clara's hands now rested on top of mine.
I looked down on our hands and thought a little while on the easiest way to summon everything. My head moved and our eyes looked at each other. "Well, it's simple enough. Cedric knows I'm a deatheater". My throat made a weird sound when I swallowed and I felt something odd deep down in my throat. "And I don't know if we're together or not". It actually was pretty simple now, now after I thought about it a little.
My mothers head tilted, she looked at me with puppy eyes and I couldn't resist to smile. "I'm proud of you, very very proud".
Hearing those words was calming and I felt safe. I love my mother, she's been there for me everyday for a long time. I let a single tear fall down my cheek.
