Distances, I feel that again from another lying friend who said they did want to be my friend, I knew it wasn't true but I didn't say anything because even though I know I was going to be hurt I didn't want to hurt their feelings, I wish I could never like having someone around, I wish that I could stop hoping that maybe just once that person would be different then anyone else, I know I'm wrong about it every time but the human in me, the loneliness and the need I have to want to mean something to someone wins every time.
I rack my brain on what is it about me that makes me so unbearable to everyone that I'm so easily forgotten, I just want to feel wanted, loved, and as twisted it sounds I want to know my existence mattered enough to someone that my death would hurt for them the way it would for me.
I would like to think maybe I'm overthinking again, but my overthinking has never been wrong, even if I wish it was for once, and sometimes before it's right it ruins it first.
"Friendship" #9, I've fought for #9 friendships just for me to never be good enough for them to stay.
Hell, people don't even read this "book" of so called "poetry", I'm told my feelings do matter but they don't ever seem to be validated.
