TOUCH [ seongjoong ]

talk

the light that peaked through the window made me squint. i attempted to roll out of bed before realizing i was restrained. i turned to see yunho still asleep as his arms wrapped around my torso. flashbacks from the previous night appeared in my head. burning tears slowly trickled from my eyes without my consent. 

i felt a stir behind me and a tug from the arms that still lay wrapped around me. my head quickly found its away to be buried in my hands as if it was an instinct. a slight groan was heard behind me as well as shuffling from the sheets. 

"hwa?" the younger did his best to let out as it was still early. my hands acted as if they were glued to my face as i couldn't let go. the burning tears didn't stop flowing as much as i wanted them to. i felt like such an idiot. i was supposed to be oldest and help take care of everyone, but here i was being taken care of and not the other way around. 

"seonghwa. hey. it's alright let it out." the blondes words only made me cry more. the younger's embrace only tightened around my torso. my face finally left my hands when i hear shuffles coming from he bed across the room. 

hongjoong's bed. 

god why did i have to share a room with him. he stirred as he woke up, i'm assuming from the sound of my sobs that now surrounded the room. i turned to where my face was now buried in yunho's chest as he ran his fingers through my hair. 

"seonghwa?" god his voice. why did he have to talk. its as if i could feel myself crumble. why did it have to be him. why couldn't it have been anybody else. 

"get. out. hongjoong" i said. i don't know what led me to be so aggresive in my tone. "what? this is his room too he didn't do anything." i could hear yunho say. 

"fine then im leaving" was the last thing i said to the two before releasing myself from yunho's grip and storming out. i know i shouldn't have stormed out and acted like that. i was breaking down and i didn't need him to see me like that. anybody can see me like that except for him. 

i found myself going into wooyoung and sans dorm. wooyoung was propped up against the headboard on his phone while san was in his lap with his arms wrapped around his waist still sleeping. 

"hwa?" wooyoung asked as he looked at me. confusion and concern written on his face. i knew my face was red and eyes were puffy from crying this morning and the night before. i didn't respond but instead laid in the empty bed that belonged to san, but was never used as the two never slept apart. "get some rest and we can talk when you wake up." that was the last thing i heard before drifting back to sleep. 

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when i woke i was alone in the room. i rubbed my eyes and sat up slowly trying to fully gain consciousness. i didn't want to leave and deal with whatever was on the other side of that door but this wasn't my room. 

i finally sat up and stood in front of the door. my hand trembled above the doorknob for a second before i finally gained the courage to open it. i walked to the kitchen passing by a few others. i only greeted them with a nod before making my way to find something to eat. i was starving from not eating last night and waking up at such a late hour. 

as i turned to sit, a face i didn't want to see was already there waiting for me.

hongjoong.  

god why is he everywhere i turn.

"seonghwa we need to talk." 

i winced at the tone, but its not like i didn't deserve it after the what happened in our dorm earlier. i nodded and sat next to him. i needed to learn how to face him and get over my feelings. i kept my eyes on my plate as i slowly ate my meal. 

"what happened this morning?" i heard him say. i had told myself i had to get over it and sit and listen to him but that seemed to be a very hard task now that i was actually doing it. 

i ignored his question and continued to eat. "seonghwa answer my question" i flinched and felt tears start to escape my eyes again. i begged myself to stop but i couldn't. the tears wouldn't stop and it was killing me. 

"hwa? are you crying?" hongjoong asked. "god isnt that obvious?" i turned to him and the tears streamed down my face more. "why.. are you crying?" concern painted his face too. god everyone looked at me with concern now. "i really don't want to talk about it..." i mumbled. "well if not me then somebody hwa. you can't keep all of this inside you." i felt so pathetic. here i am crying and its all over a little crush. 

"im sorry hongjoong" was the last thing spoken before i put my plate in the sink and walked off to yunho and mingi's dorm. 

"hey yunho? im ready to talk."

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