TOUCH [ seongjoong ]

scent

that morning i woke up to a steady beat against my head. a familiar scent filled my nose as i found myself searching for more. a scent i knew all to well but didn't want to stop breathing it in.  i found myself around hongjoong, our legs tangled as we cuddled close. my breath hitched as i remember the previous night. 

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"now come on let's head to bed" he said while pulling me up off the couch. he nearly dragged me into our shared room and pulled me into his bed with him. my heart was beating fast due to the close proximity. 

"what?" i hesitantly asked while being held close to the shorter. "lay with me. like old times." he said while running his hands through my hair with a smile. i accepted fate and let myself drift to sleep as our breathing matched.

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everything in me wanted to pull away of hongjoong's grip but i didn't let myself. i stayed close in fear this would be the last time. everything in me told me that i can't stay and that i need to let go but i couldn't. its as if i was stuck to him like glue. the way my body seemed to fit so well into his embrace as if we were two puzzle pieces. the way his hands touched my lower back as i lay on top of him. the way our legs were wrapped around each others. i wouldn't let myself pull away because it seemed so right in that moment. his touch, his soft snores, and his scent. everything seemed so right. so perfect.

perfect and hongjoong were synonyms. 

i kept my head close to his chest and my hands gripped his t shirt. taking in every bit i could get. its as if time was frozen until i felt a stir underneath me. i dreaded this moment as soon as i woke up. as soon as i told myself i would stay. i knew this wasn't going to last forever but i just needed five more minutes. 

"hwa? are you awake?" i heard hongjoong say in his morning voice while he rubbed his hands up and down my back. i didn't move and pretended to remain asleep. his hands never stopped rubbing my back and i melted into his touch.

 "adorable" 

i tried my best to keep my eyes shut but there was no stopping them. my heart staring to beat faster but i stopped breathing. 

"hwa i know you're awake." hongjoong said. i groaned and turned my head the other direction but never leaving his chest once. "your heart feels like its going to beat out of your chest. are you okay?" i shook my head into his chest not daring to say a word. he stroked his hands through my hair. "i told you that you can tell me anything hwa." he reassured once more. "not this time joong." i spoke for the first time that morning. 

i couldn't see it but i knew he was frowning above me. "what's different about this time?" he asked as he twisted my hair in his fingers. 

"you" 

that was the only thing i could mutter out. i could tell he was confused. if i was in his position i would be confused to. id be so desperate to know . but he can't know. not this time.

"listen hwa i don't know how its different this time but i can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong" he stopped playing with my hair and sat up against the headboard. my face now resided in his lap. i wasn't moving this time.

"its fine joong i talked to yunho about it. he knows everything." i reassured. "i'm glad you talked to at least somebody but why not me hwa. you have told me everything our whole friendship." i finally sat up for the first time and looked at him. 

"because it's about you hongjoong."

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