Camelot's Lemon Library

(April Fools Chapter)

April fools. This was an old joke chapter. I'll leave it up if you want a quick laugh or some shit idk
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Act IV, Scene III, continued

Lifts-Her-Tail Certainly not, kind sir! I am here but to clean your chambers.

Crantius Colto Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?

Lifts-Her-Tail I have no idea what it is you imply, master. I am but a poor Argonian maid.

Crantius Colto So you are, my dumpling. And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail.

Lifts-Her-Tail You embarrass me, sir!

Crantius Colto Fear not. You are safe here with me.

Lifts-Her-Tail I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!

Crantius Colto Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.

Lifts-Her-Tail But it is huge! It could take me all night!

Crantius Colto Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.

END OF ACT IV, SCENE III

And now. Vaporeon

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they're large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more

Aaaaand 1 more Copy pasta

"Hello, hello? Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I'm finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you there's nothing to worry about. Uh, you'll do fine. So, let's just focus on getting you through your first week. Okay?

Uh, let's see, first there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read. Uh, it's kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, "Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced."

Blah blah blah, now that might sound bad, I know, but there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too. So, remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right? Okay.

So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night. Uh...Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long. Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too. But then there was The Bite of '87. Yeah. I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know? Uh, now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won't recognize you as a person. They'll p-most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Now since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to...forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit. Um, now, that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices, especially around the facial area. So, you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort...and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask, heh.

Y-Yeah, they don't tell you these things when you sign up. But hey, first day should be a breeze. I'll chat with you tomorrow. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night."

What's that? You've got an Opinion?
...

Nice opinion. Just one tiny problem with it. Inspecting your post, it looks like your opinion is different from mine.

Boy, let me tell you something.

I am the baseline for opinions, any opinion I hold is objectively correct and, as a result, any other opinions are wrong. And guess what? You happen to hold a wrong one. And I hope you know that your opinion is now illegal. I have now contacted the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, the Navy SEALs, the Secret Service and your mom. You'll rot in prison for the rest of your life over this, mark my words you'll be sorry you ever shared your opinions. By the time you're reading this, you're done for boy. Nature will punish you. Humanity will punish you. Supernatural beings will punish you. Space will punish you. Oh yeah, and we decided that just to make sure we'll nuke your house from orbit so there's no chance you can run away and everyone you know will die. It's a small price to pay for ethnic cleansing. May this post be a warning for anyone else brave enough to share an incorrect opinion; you've been warned.

......
Happy April fools. I hope all of you are having a lovely day, I'll delete this dumb Copy pasta joke shit chapter tomorrow.
Edit: Alright, some of you wanted me to keep the chapter up. So I won't delete it.