𝐟𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧. eita otoya

⁰³ | 26th of 12, year 2020

to my dearest,

merry christmas, otoya.♡ i'm sorry i wasn't able to send you a christmas greeting yesterday. everyone was quite active. how was your christmas, anyhow? mine was fantastic. i doubt that i'll ever experience such delight once more. i feel bad for having felt that way without you, though. mother made your favorite dish; onigiris and tonkatsu, with two pairs of mochi for dessert, when my entire family came to visit me! i recall how much you adored her cooking and how frequently you joined us for meals after classes. i always flushed red at the sight of your eyes becoming a pair of bright, gleaming ones as you witnessed a dinner table piled high with delectable delicacies as we sat in front of the table. i enjoyed staring at your attractive side profile, as you devoured each morsel of food, showing off your sharp jawline with fully stuffed, fluffy cheeks. to prepare a bento every morning for you to eat at lunch, i really wanted to learn how to make tonkatsu. i continue to practice constantly in the hopes of one day being able to provide you with the supper you are always seeking.

in any case, they properly accommodated our blessings that day by serving the food at the tiny table the hospital supplied. i had no idea that food could be made even sinfully delicious. i had no idea how much i could have enjoyed times like these, when everyone was just enjoying their meals together as if it were prolonging their lives. my brothers and i participated in a variety of games with our parents joining in occasionally. i could have sworn i was beaming so brilliantly and grinning so widely as we engaged in board games, childhood games, and so much more. we played till we saw the window view, which beautifully captured the sun setting. on that particular day, we all gathered on the hospital's rooftop to view the fireworks. i have no doubt that you, your family and friends witnessed the same scenario. yet, as self-centered as it may sound, i wish i had been with you while you took in this breathtaking scene, embracing my fragile body with your arms which i always felt so safe in. you whispering sweet nothings into my ear, whilst i absorbed every bit of them. hands intertwined, mine becoming one with your soft, slender fingers, and feeling each other's warmth-- like we were the last two people in the world. just like every girl's dream.

i had a great night's sleep, though the time struck midnight, i dozed off with ease; like the universe granted me eternal peace. this morning as i was half-asleep, cradling the kuromi plush you won for me that day, to my chest. the sun beamed through the blinds causing me to stir. waking up used to be a difficult task to me, but never have i ever had this much energy in the morning; feeling so refreshed and motivated. i sat up, with the plush still in my embrace. witnessing the just-risen sun shining softly on the city streets; moderately bright, its light causing a warm effect into my room, bringing with it a flurry of early-morning activity, that is to write to you once more. i tried to describe all i felt just this morning, hoping you recall moments of yours like these.

my doctor just gave me news that made my tummy flip sideways, as if the world were on my side! my health is gradually but certainly improving. it made me so happy, i tried my best to suppress the squeals and my wide grins that reach ear-to-ear, those which i let out after she greeted me with an unsaid congratulation, got out of the room and gave me my freedom. i wanted to get out of this hell of an illness because i still wanted to see you again, you know? i hoped you were gazing at me with those irresistible eyes of yours and were proud of me. even if the desire to see each other again wasn't mutual, that dream cannot be stopped. anyhow, like an event following up after an event, new years is coming up quick as a flash. i wanted to go to the festival to see the fireworks personally up-close and not via the clear glass window, but they said i can't. they restricted me from the outside world due to my illness. i felt sad about it for a while but i felt fine eventually. i had to endure sadness, at least until my condition is concluded and i can be discharged from this place i considered home until now.

i miss the home wherein my origin started, the nature i cherished, my friends and you.

i love, love, love you, otoya eita.

with love,
n/n ♡