𝐟𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧. eita otoya

⁰⁶ | 14th of 02, year 2021

to my dearest,

i wish you a wonderful valentine's day, otoya. time seems to fly by when you're constantly asleep in a medical facility bed, lol. because it's already the month of love, i want to take this chance to tell you that i really, truly love you. i miss you, too. although i'm sure you already know that, hehe. anyway, i'm genuinely sorry i only ever write to you once after a special occasion or significant event in the course of my life. well, i try to avoid writing to you frequently in case you would find it annoying. at least, if you read my letters. i don't wanna flatter myself around that topic, you know? i anticipated that you'd say i definitely deserve to walk around like a fool thinking you'd waste your precious time reading my letters that are written with no purpose other than my own selfish desires. however, once again, should it matter? i'm certain you're familiar with the self-absorbed and possessive side of mine.

i received two heart-shaped chocolate boxes of various brands, a bouquet of moth orchids, and two roses. i hated the idea that was buried deep in my mind about how they may be sent by you or that tiny glimpse of hope they were somehow a way you wish to communicate back with me. well, anyway! one of the chocolate boxes and the roses were gifts from a student nurse who looked after me a few months ago. he has two years on me in age. the nurses who'd informed me about the gifts claimed that the other person requested anonymity. i refrained from pressing them for more because i thought it would be intrusive, though i couldn't help but wonder who was interested in me enough to gift me an entire bouquet. i mean, that bouquet was seriously eye-catching, it was one which was out of this world! the wrap wasn't like those plastic ones you'd usually find in local flower shops. you could say i'm definitely exaggerating right now, but you should see for yourself. i'm totally being factual! anyway, i'm sincerely grateful, yet despite their efforts, none of these give me the same amount of butterflies as you do. i feel so guilty... about comparing them to you. am i ungrateful afterall?

my condition is getting so much better by time. i'm really, really happy about it. i wish i could communicate all the various feelings and emotions i'm feeling right now. the nurses and my doctor constantly discuss about how i may be discharged sooner than expected and the idea that i might be able to leave the hospital at this moment as i write totally thrills me to an extent that is known to be traditionally terrifying. i genuinely apologize for being so dramatic about this but, i've not felt this amount of excitement for a while so, should it hurt not to be this joyful? hehe. hmm... i don't have much to say now that i've made myself clear in my new year's letter that i won't be including any sappy tales any more. the fact that all i could possibly share with you are some uninteresting sob stories kind of sounds pathetic, doesn't it? hahaha.

i think that's all about it... once again, happy valentine's day, otoya eita. i miss you so much.

i love, love, love you.

with love,
f/n