desire | liskook

32

Jungkook
The New York project couldn't have picked a worse time to come, so I left Korea for New York five days after the whole poison incident.

I was originally suppose to be gone for two weeks at most, but I couldn't survive more than seven hellish and torturous days away from my wife.

I guess the unanswered questions and uncertainties of why Lisa wouldn't trust me enough to tell me important matters in her life hunted me all the while I was away from her.

Before I left for New York, I kept feeling like I'll come back to an empty house and an ended marriage. And no matter how much I try to dismiss those thoughts and feelings, they still nudged in my heart for these seven days.

But, I made sure that before I left, Lisa would never even think of the idea of betraying me like that again.

Three more days to go but only heaven knows how hard I was fighting the feeling of going insane from being away.

After I was discharged from the hospital nine days ago, Jisoo noona was stern on me not seeing Lisa unless she'll have to sue her for embezzlement of company funds.

Knowing who Jisoo noona is, she doesn't make empty threats and her fury is like none other, so I had to be careful so she doesn't sense anything otherwise.

God! My mind was going haywire when Lisa didn't return, even after Jisoo noona had left the mansion convinced that Lisa wouldn't dare defy her.

I was pacing about in the lonely mansion with fear and unsettling feeling that Lisa might have really left me.

I won't say that morning of the incident wasn't the scariest mornings of my life. But when I woke up at the hospital paralyzed, I knew there must have been a reason.

At first, what I thought when Jisoo noona barged into my office accusing Lisa of poisoning my lunch was that, maybe everything Lisa had said to me about how loving me was exhausting and how it suffocated her was all true and that made me very sad.

So, if that's how she felt and wanted me out of picture, maybe, just maybe my death would be the long lasting memory and truth I give her.

And for the first time, I gambled with my life and trusting on the uncertainty of what might be my wife's true feelings for me.

I never knew I could love someone to that point, but I'd rather die by her hand than lose her forever.

Which was why, when I woke up at the hospital alive, I was relieved to know that she didn't hate me so much as to want me dead.

That night at the mansion, I was ready to pace all night if the morning would bring my Lisa back to me.

Few minutes after 1am, I heard her car pull up and I can't explain the sudden excitement I felt.

When she opened the door, it felt like my eternity of waiting was really just a fleeting moment. I wanted to run to her and hug her so tight she would struggle for breathe.

That's when I realized that my life wasn't truly complete without Lisa by my side.

I wanted to let everything go and run towards her, but then I saw something in her eyes. She looked wrecked and tired, like there was a burden weighing on her.

And like always, she had that look like she wasn't ready to deal and just wants to get out. Why won't she share anything with me? Why is her only resort to keep things away from me every time?

If she really hates me that much then, why didn't she finish me off this morning when I was completely at her mercy? If she didn't love me, why did she give herself to me?