desire | liskook

11

Lisa
The flight here was rather too quiet. I mean, if he never wanted to come he shouldn't have brought it up in the first place. I'm quite certain I never gave him an impression that I wanted a honeymoon experience.

And here I was thinking that just maybe he and I were slowly becoming friends, but since he returned from the office, he has been so much more withdrawn and unnecessarily occupied than usual.

Did I do something wrong again? If it continues like these, I don't think Jisoo unnie's plans would work at all. I think I'd rather just stay clear than to get in his way and irritate him.

Jisoo unnie and I had gone to get our hair done at this new place called Hair Culture,but they were having their Grand Opening party so they invited a fortune teller.

Maybe, I was an easy target but her words keep ringing in my ear, now I can't think of anything else.

"You have a bright fortune, but for some reason there is this darkness surrounding you, trying to sap your happiness. It's everywhere and it would be your bane. I see two who desires you but their stubbornness could destroy you if you don't take a stand and hold the fort. Look! Right here! He is very head strong, but a strong woman can set him straight. Him, he picks on people's weaknesses and uses it against them, that's what will makes him great but it will also destroy him if left to his vices. Him! If you stay, will torture you daily because he sees another in your place and in his heart. But if you leave, you lose him forever, so either way you lose until you win, while he'll win until he loses. Such a fortune, though bright, but quite a handful. You have become the main project; the goal that destroys them and the glue that would bid them. It won't be easy for they will push you off the cliffs, but if you let courage rise in danger, you would gain peace. Are you in love?" she had asked suddenly, bringing me back to reality.

I nodded slowly, "Then follow that love always, even if it rejects you, don't run away, stay there and demand for you right. Your fortune is one of strive and struggle, so you need to build up your confidence and strength. If your love would be yours, you have to be strong."

'I have to be strong', everyone keeps saying that.

But why should I be the strong one? I was once strong, brave and flew so high I felt no one could touch me.

Until, I fell and got hurt. It was much more than anything I have ever felt. I shattered into a million pieces, and that's how I knew just how fragile I really was.

Why continue to pretend to be what I'm not? Why do I have to work so hard to get 'my husband's' attention and love. Can't I just be loved without forcing anyone into it?

All my life, I've always felt like I had to work for everything, so just this once... this once I wished I don't have to work so hard to be loved. Is it even love if it's forced?

I looked through the window, it was dark outside so my reflection stared back. Unknowingly, I was crying with soft sobs as I looked by my side to see a comfortable sleeping Jungkook.

What more do I have to lose? Maybe...just maybe if I keep moving forward, slowly but surely I might get to where he is, even if I risk loosing myself along the way.

He became my world the moment I said 'I do', so I really can't go back, I have to keep going on.

I can't help but envying the dead right now, Anna was in this position after all, so making a place for myself is sure to be challenging than I thought.

But if I try to be strong once again, forgetting the pain of the past, maybe the future might be bright for me as the fortune teller said.

Jungkook
I have been busy since we arrived at the hotel at 10:25pm.