Shoot or lose

5

July 7th - 1995 
New Jersey

Angel

I lay back on the bed, catching my breath as the last waves of pleasure slowly fade. Eric collapses beside me, his body slick with sweat and his breath hot against my neck. The room is thick with the scent of sex and the sound of our panting.

You know how your body senses when you need water or food? Well, mine has been warning me for nearly a week that I've been lacking sex, and finally, I had the chance to satisfy that craving.

Maybe that's why I've been extra bitchy.

"God, Angel," he murmurs, his voice still husky. "That was incredible."

I nod, still trying to steady my breathing. Incredible indeed. Sex with Eric always is. My legs are weak, and my skin tingles from his touch. For a moment, we just lie there, letting the silence envelop us.

Eric turns on his side, propping himself up on one elbow to look at me. "We need to talk," he says, his tone more serious than I've ever heard it.

I've barely come down from my orgasm high and he wants to have a serious conversation already? Give me a goddamn break please.

I groan inwardly, not ready for a serious conversation. "About what?" I ask, already dreading the answer.

"This," he says, gesturing between us. "What we're doing. This can't keep going on like this forever."

I look away, not wanting to meet his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," he continues, "we're good together, Angel. But it's always in the shadows, always secretive. I want more than that. I want us to be something real."

I bite my lip, the words hitting me harder than I expected. "Eric, I don't make me do this babe. I like you, I really do. But my life is complicated enough without adding a real relationship into the mix."

Eric's fingers gently tilt my chin up so I have to meet his gaze. "Do you ever want more than this?"

The terms of our relationship were always clear from the beginning. I took the lead in setting the rules. He didn't seem to mind at the time, so why is he bringing this up now?

My heart races, a mix of fear and uncertainty clouding my thoughts. "You know I don't. I'm scared, Eric. We are really good friends, why are you bringing this up?—it's too much."

Eric's eyes soften, his voice tender. "I get it, Angel. Stephan is a psycho but he'd never dare to put a hand on me and that way I could keep you safe, but you have to decide if you want more or if this is enough for you."

I close my eyes, feeling the weight of his words. "What do you want?"

"I want you," he says simply. "whether it's in the shadows or out in the open. I'm willing to take whatever you give me."

Eric has always been a passionate and expressive man, but he never lets this desperate side of himself emerge; he always keeps it hidden behind closed doors.

I pull back, shaking my head. "Eric, I can't. We're friends. Good friends. I don't know where this is coming from but I refuse to ruin what we have for something that I know has no future."

"Angel, it doesn't have to ruin anything. It could make it better."

I sit up, wrapping the sheet around me. "No, Eric. This... this is just fun. And that's all it can be."

I know my words hurt for sure, and that's why I say them with a heavy heart, but I must speak up to prevent him from imagining things.

He nods slowly, accepting my words. "Yeah okay. I'm not here to pressure you into anything. But promise me one thing."