His second choice (s.m)

C H A P T E R . 13 .

----------------------------

Y/N'S POV:

'No. No. You don't - Y/N you don't need to leave!'

Shawn tries to reach for me, but I've got to do what's best for me. And being around him may seem like it is - but it's not. If we're going to get serious I need to be comfortable with myself - I owe it to him and I certainly owe it to me.

'Why are you doing this? What's gotten into you? What have I done? Y/N?'

So many questions, so many one's I can't answer.

'I need to leave, I want this Shawn. I want us. But I need to be comfortable with myself first - I owe that to us. And you should understand better than anyone.'

His voice cracks, his brows furrowed in confusion. Because of me.

'Okay.. but if it's for us then stay? Let me help, Y/N I can help I promise you I can help.'

'I know you can, but this is for me - I need to do this okay.'

'Y/N. You're the only one my heart keeps coming back too .. it's always been you!'

'You've seen all my darkest fears? Like you've known me for a thousand years, let me support you please.'

'Shawn, I love you. Let me do this.'

Tears prick my eyes but I know I have to do this, I have to get stronger if I want this relationship, if I want this life.

If I want him.

----------------------------

He let me leave, he doesn't support it but he let me leave. I'm journaling every day - seeing weekly counsellors and I'm on medication.

I'm beginning to ground myself - spend time with my friends and not worry about press.

Did I mention I'm in London?

I always wanted to visit England. I was originally Born here and so were my parents - making me totally British but we moved out to Toronto when I was 4 for a job opportunity for my dad.

Honestly? The only thing I'm thankful for from my parents.

Londons pretty beautiful in a traditional way - everyone's accent is different and there's always something happening on the street, especially out on the city. No one here recognises me or knows me as 'Shawn's suspected girlfriend' or whatever I'm being called nowadays, they just know me as Y/N.

It's nice.

I've been here 2 months now, me and Shawn still message every now and then, but he's constantly in the studio working on something. It's been nice - having a break.

I've been really working on myself, I've got a security detail now too - only when I'm going out in busy or highly popular places. It's more for back home but Shawn insisted I had someone come with me.

He's called Daniel, beautiful wife and 2 little girls - he's the sweetest. Like an uncle I guess?? He doesn't look a day over 20 though, guess some jobs just do that to you.

----------------------------

Todays the day I fly back home, back to Toronto - I was meant to head back tomorrow but the weathers looking pretty bad so I'm flying home a day early, but I've not let anyone know - a day to settle back down again will be nice,

Before the chaos begins.

----------------------------