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Chapter 25: Decisions

The next few months were rough, I had stayed away from Jordan and Katherine at church as much as I could, but our work in the youth group continued to pull us together no matter how hard I tried to pull away. At first, I didn't drink after the meeting and I didn't even bother with the online dating, not that I would ever touch it again anyways. I had quit my job with the photographer and had started working at a clothing store so most of my days and weekends were spent working. My dad had stayed mad at me for about a day before he promised me that everything would be okay.

In mid-April, Katherine and Jordan approached me at the church. I braced myself for whatever they might hurl at me or say.

"Ind," Jordan called to me. I hadn't heard that in a while. "Hey, let's talk."

The two pulled me into an empty room and I listened as they both apologized.

"We're so sorry. That was not cool. We shouldn't have told him anything or said anything to anyone at all. It wasn't our dirty laundry to air out and we all know Keegan can't keep his mouth closed so we're really sorry," Jordan explained.

"Yeah, I was a crappy friend," Katherine said as she hung her head.

"Friends?" Jordan asked.

"Friends?" I questioned. "You told him everything I have ever done in my entire life that was wrong, after I told you what happened and how bad I felt. Its gonna take a little more than an apology for me to trust either of you again." I sighed.

"That's understandable," Jordan nodded.

Over the next month, the three of us slowly began talking more. We started hanging out again and I learned that the date for the wedding was June 29th and that Katherine had picked her bridesmaids. They were her sisters, Jordan's sisters, and several of Katherine's friends from high school. I started hanging out with them every Saturday night. We would go to a church in Grove City and go eat after. After a few weeks, Mia joined us and then her new boyfriend, Clay joined. Mia and I had started partying again a few weeks after the meeting as a sign of rebellion. I didn't like being told what I could and couldn't do, so we did what we wanted when we wanted, but we were sneakier about it. Clay was a boy we had met at one of Blake's house parties and after Mia took care of him while he was throwing up beer one night, they exchanged numbers and began to go on dates.

I couldn't be sure, because there was no proof, but I was pretty sure Katherine and Jordan had fallen back into their old ways too. My theory was confirmed one Saturday night when instead of inviting me out to eat, they invited me to Jordan's house to drink. I was smarter than I had been before, and I still didn't trust them so I declined their offer.

The more Katherine and I talked about the wedding, the more I realized how nervous she was about it.

"I really wanted you in it," she explained as we decorated for a theme night in the youth room one Wednesday afternoon.

"You did?" I asked unbelieving.

"Yeah, but Jordan said no. He didn't trust you. Things are different now, but I've already asked everyone."

"It's okay," I smiled thankful I wouldn't have to be any closer to the wedding than I needed to be. No one had changed their opinions since the proposal about their marriage, but with only a month left to go, our opinions didn't matter. Katherine had decided her fate and she would have to live with it as much as it pained everyone else.

"I want you to come to my wedding shower this Saturday, my sister is throwing it for me and I want you there." She smiled.

I nodded my head in agreement. A wedding shower would be good. I could still be there for her without supporting her decisions and when it was all said and done, if things went downhill again like they had so many times before, I could at least say that I had tried to be a good friend.

                                                                                                 ~ ~ ~

Katherine's wedding shower was a lot different than I had expected. For starters, I was the only one that showed up. None of her bridesmaids and none of her other friends that had RSVP'd had shown up. It was just me and her sister. We snapped a few pictures and ate before I slipped out and blamed it on work. I felt bad for her. I knew her other friends felt like they had to be fake around her too.

~ ~ ~

With only two weeks until the wedding, I knew Jordan had to be getting nervous. I never thought they would make it long enough to get married, especially not after everything that had happened. I wanted to talk to him about it, but I needed an opportunity to. I headed into the church offices one afternoon to take my dad his lunch he had left at home when I ran in to Jordan.

"Hey, Ind!"

"Hey, Jordy," I smiled. He wasn't as fake as Katherine and usually, what you saw was what you got. I didn't have to walk on eggshells as much with this version of him when he was happy and away from other people.

"Wanna walk down there with me?" He asked as he pointed to the church.

"Sure."

Vacation Bible school had just ended the previous week and though I thought it had been a fun time with the three of us in charge of the youth, Jordan had seemed off.

"You okay?" I asked as we walked through the parking lot to the main building.

"Yeah," he huffed. "You know. No. I'm not." He admitted

"What's up?" I asked as we walked into the empty church foyer.

"I just," he breathed. "I'm nervous."

"About the wedding? I figured you were," I laughed.

"Yes!" he exhaled. "I feel trapped. I hate this stupid freaking job, I hate Keegan, I hate most of the guys up there in the office, I hate this town, and I feel like maybe I moved too fast with Katherine. I'm not ready to get married."

I stared as he continued gushing about his disdain for his life in Lovejoy.

"I just feel like I'm stuck. Like I have all of these people looking at me and putting me high up on this pedestal, but I'm not perfect, you know? Like, I drink and I cuss and we've started sleeping together again and I feel like I just don't belong here. I never wanted this. I never wanted to be 'assistant youth pastor'. It was a job and was offered to me basically just because I hit that guy and had a story to tell. I saw how easy it was and took it. I never even wanted to be in this tiny town this long. I wanted to go back to Atlanta where no one knows anyone they pass on the street."

"Jordan," I laid my hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay to feel like that. It has moved pretty fast.

I mean, you've only been here for what? Three years? And look at everything that's happened. You met us, you started working at another hotel, you started partying, you and Katherine took off hot and heavy, you started at the church, you and Greyson killed your friendship, you went to freaking rehab and now you're engaged. You never wanted this life and that's fine, but you have to make a decision now before it's too late. You can't choose to leave after the wedding. You have to make a decision now."

Jordan exhaled and dropped his shoulders.

"I love her so much, Indie."

"I know you do, but you have to do what's best for you. You're not a tree. You're not rooted in one spot. If you need to move, the only thing stopping you is you. I promise the world will go on and things will eventually go back to normal if you decide to pack up and go."

"Thanks, buddy. I needed that." He perked up as if a switch was flipped in his head and his mood shifted from the melancholy state he had been in to joyful.

"Help me carry this stuff out," he beamed.

We spent the afternoon putting the youth room back in order from the waywe had decorated it and moved things around for Vacation Bible School. When wewere done, we took his car to the car wash and drove through the Sonic drivethrough to get milkshakes. Things felt like they were when we had Greyson. Whenit was the four of us and things were brighter, happier. But it didn't lastlong.