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Chapter 26: Redemption Delayed

Four days before the wedding, something stirred me from my sleep. I heard sniffles coming from the hall outside of my bedroom door. Someone was crying. As soon as I realized it, my mom pushed open my door enough to stick her head in. I sat up and saw that I was right. Her face was red and tears filled her eyes.

"Hey baby," she said softly.

"What happened? Did someone die?"

With my dad working at the church and us being so closely involved in the lives of so many people, it wasn't the first time I had been woken up with the news that someone I knew had died and the heaviness of the air told me I was right.

"Come in here," she opened the door wider and I met her with my fuzzy blanket wrapped around me. She shuffled us into their bedroom where my dad was crying while he tried to finish getting ready.

"Have a seat," she said softly as she tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear.

I sat on their bed and wadded myself up in my blanket. My mom sat beside me, but nothing could prepare me for the words that came out of my dad's mouth.

"Keegan texted us this morning," he sighed.

"This morning, really early, Katherine found Jordan... he's gone," his voice cracked and my mom let out a sob from beside me.

The same numbness that washed over me the night I was drugged and the night at the church when Katherine was in my face yelling at me flooded my veins again. I was becoming too familiar with it. Shock. I sat in silence without moving for what felt like an eternity. There were no tears, no gasps, or sobs that escaped me. I was just, frozen.

"Baby?" My mom broke through the silence.

I turned my head to look at her. When she saw my face and the blank stare that looked through her, her lip quivered and she pulled me in to her chest and sobbed deeply. When she let me go, I still hadn't said a word. This shock was different. Deeper.

"You're going to get a shower and get ready," my mom cleared her throat and started as she pulled me up off of their bed by my hands, "and then you're going to pack a bag with your charger and snacks. Take a pillow and a blanket too. You're going to spend the day at the office with your dad. I don't think you need to be alone and I can't miss work."

I sat still as she continued to speak to me.

"Nod your head if you understand."

I managed to nod my head as she wiped the tears from her face. I walked back to my room in silence and packed a bag. I checked my phone. It was only six in the morning. I threw it in the bag, not wanting to be bothered, and walked to the shower. I turned the water on as hot as it would go and let it wash over me. I don't think I blinked the whole time, but muscle memory kicked in and I somehow managed to get cleaned and dressed. When I left, my parents had already gone for the day. I grabbed a Pop Tart and a bottle of water before heading out to my car.

I was at the end of my driveway when my world shattered. Suddenly, all the breath was knocked out of me and I let out a shrill screech. I pounded my fists against the steering wheel as tears burned my eyes and flooded my face. My heart hurt and sobs filled the silent car as I threw my hands at the wheel over and over. I just wanted it to stop. Pain like I had never known engulfed every part of me. I wanted to wake up or to look at my phone and find a message from Jordan that said "got you!". Once the loud sobs slowed into a silent cry, I pulled out of my driveway and headed to the church offices. I was half expecting Jordan's car to be parked where it always was in the parking lot and when I realized my stupidity, I cried harder.

I grabbed my backpack filled with snacks, ibuprofen, water bottles and my phone charger and began up the steps into the building. I froze in my tracks as my brain spiraled, and Greyson's name was the only one I could think of. I was sure he didn't know because of his recent move to Grove City. My parents had made me swear I wouldn't tell anyone the news until they were given the okay to share it as public knowledge, but Greyson needed to know. I pulled out my phone and cleared my throat as I held it to my ear and listened to the ring.