𝐉𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒||𝐄.𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐑

𝐗𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈

Eren Yeager

How has college been? real fucking messy. college Eren is fucking wreck. I'm constantly thinking about her. i know she doesn't think of me that way anymore. i think i truly fucked up. I knew from the very beginning that this weird sex thing with her was wrong.

It started at a party. I hadn't seen her for months. She had moved schools and now I was at my dream college. This random guy was having a party to celebrate the end of senior year.

I only went because Connie and Armin said I needed to let off some steam. I was still upset about y/n. I should've never lied. I still regret it. Maybe I wouldn't be in this situation if I didn't lie. so, I went with them.

Throughout the party I stood against the wall on my phone. i was stalking her instagram. Yes, I realize I'm a freak, shut the fuck up. Then I saw that she posted that she was here. at this party. I looked up and searched everywhere. i couldn't find her until "low" by Flo Rida. a dance circle started to form. I was drawn to it and I saw her right in the middle. her and some girl. She was shaking ass and my jaw dropped. I had never seen anyone in my lifetime shake some ass like that. shit was even clapping. Then she saw me. but she didn't stop. she actually started twerking on the other girl in the circle. she stared at me the whole time.

my jaw clenched. jealousy burned my throat. I could tell right there and then. She hated me. She wanted me dead. she wishes looks could kill. because hers would've killed me. I couldn't take it anymore. So what I did was find the closest bottle of alcohol. I drank and continued drinking.

one thing led to another and the bottle was now an empty bottle in my hand. Most of the night was a blur. so the events leading up to this moment i blame the alcohol. I was in the hot tub with Connie and Armin and a couple other kids. I was so drunk I couldn't even say any word coherently. We were all talking until these girls came up and asked if they could join us. Right in the middle staring right at me with low eyes. Clearly she was drunk. Maybe even more drunk than me. She took off her shirt and pants, still staring at me, in nothing but a bra and underwear.

I couldn't lie my dick started twitching in my boxers. god i fucking need her.

she sat right next to me. her eyes were low and everything she did made her giggle. "truth or dare y/n" one of the girls asked. I was so focused on y/n that I didn't even know we were playing. "dare" she immediately slurred out.

"make out with him for a full minute".

she turned her head and shrugged. she sat on my lap and looked down at my lips and then to my eyes. her mouth parted, but i didn't let her speak.

I grabbed her head and smashed our lips together. I couldn't wait another second. I've wanted to put my lips on hers all night. I wanted to touch her since i saw her in that dance circle. I know Armin will scold me later.

I don't care though. I need her. I need all of her.  my hands went to her waist. she was grinding on me without a care in the world.

if my dick wasn't already hard it surely was now. our tongues clashed and fought for dominance. my neediness overpowered. drunk and needy.

that's all j was right now. When we finally pulled away from each other she turned her head and saw everyone in the hot tub had left. When she looked back at me, shame was written all on her face. i realized then i fucked up again.

Why can't I get anything right?

She rolled off my lap and we sat there in complete silence. I didn't want to get up. I wanted to stay here. because even though we were talking I was still near here. I felt zero shame in that kiss. and neither did my dick.

She gets up and starts leaving the hot tub. "i'm really sorry y/n" my words are slurred and barely understandable. she stops but still has her back turned to me. "for this?" her voice is a whisper. "yes and for lying to you that day. I see her visibly ball up and then unclench. "bye eren" then she disappears in the house.

one of the only things i remember from that night.

the next day she texted me and asked to come over. I thought this meant she wanted to fix things. instead we fucked and right after she left. didn't answer my calls for three days then came back. and ever since then this little thing has been going on between us.

every time i feel that i have a breakthrough and that I've finally fixed things with her, she ghosts me. I can't say i don't deserve it though. she's using me like how i used her. except that when i got to know her i immediately knew that i wanted her. doesn't change the fact that i lied to her. So I've been changing not just for her but for myself. I want to be a better man than what I was. actions speak louder than words is what they always say. I'll make her want me again.

"i'll have her again with time and patience"

i have so many ideas and directions i want to take this book. writing this is so stress free and fun. hope y'all enjoyed and have a wonderful day 🫶🏾.