𝐉𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒||𝐄.𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐑

𝐗𝐈𝐗

y/n l/n

Eren texted me good morning. I left him to read. What does he think this is? I hate when he tries to act like we're talking or something when we're not. He knows better than to do that shit.

I went to all my morning classes for the day and as usual they were boring asf. It's ok because Hailey is coming over in a bit. I wish she'd bring the sweet little baby, but she isn't. Eren texted me again. Asking if I'm doing anything later. Not with you nigga. He's such a fein.

I hear a knock and I run to the door to open it. My face drops when I see Eren at the door with a smile. I go to close the door but he wedges his foot inside. "y/n come on". I walk away from the door and lay on my bed. "Why are you here Eren?" He walks in closing the door behind me and sits on the corner of my bed. "You didn't answer my messages so I had to see if you were ok". How compassionate. I roll my eyes at him. What he really wants is to fuck. A quickie before Hailey gets here is alright? 

I crawl over to him and all he does is stare at me. "I'm glad you came over". His eyes lit up. "Really? Because I wanted to ask you something" he sounded nervous. "What is it?" I moved in closer. Pressing my body against his. He gulps. What the fuck is wrong with him today? "I wanna hangout y/n. Like go out somewhere and do something together".

"Just like old times"

I moved away from him. That sentence kept replaying in my head. Was this nigga serious? Cause last time i recalled the old times was just him using me. I can't believe him. Why does he always have to ruin a fucking good time. "Hailey is coming over soon. I think you should leave '' I don't even look at him. I hear him sigh and get up from the bed. But he doesn't move.

"Eren-"

"y/n i made a mistake. A long time ago and I hate myself everyday for it.  I'm changing though. It was four years ago and ever since we started whatever this is I thought I deserved this. And I do. But I can't do it anymore. y/n i will apologize for the rest of my life for what i did and if i ever hurt you again, god i hope i burn in hell. My feelings for you never left. Only intensify. I need you y/n i truly need you. I'm in love with you. So please im begging you to think. Think about what we could truly have. We could have that special love. We don't have to keep doing this. What I did was awful to you and I know I don't deserve it, but I need you".

I was silent. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. Tears fell down his face and his eyes were pleading for an answer. I didn't have an answer. Cause as much as i hated this. My heart was beating and pleading to run up and hug. To tell him I love him too. My head says otherwise to walk to the door and tell him to leave and don't come back. I can't move my feet.
My throat feels dry. My eyes are holding back salty tears that want to desperately escape.

To break the silence the door flies open and incomes Hailey looking good as ever. "I'M HERE" she screams. Eren and I both turned our direction to her. Eren says nothing and walks past Hailey and out the room. She looks at him weirdly and then closes the door and walks further into the room.

I didn't even realize the tears flowing down my cheeks. Hailey notices and sits next to me and grabs my hand. "What happened?" I didn't want to talk about this. Not right now. I walked straight to the bathroom and wiped my face with water. Hailey stood at the doorway. She looked at my face searching for answers. "We don't need to go out," she was hesitant. "No, I want to go out. I'm completely fine" I walked by her and grabbed my wallet. "Plus, shopping is the cure to everything" I smiled at her. But behind it was all pain.

Eren Yeager

Why did I open my big fat mouth? I shouldn't have come over, I shouldn't have done any of that. I know what part broke her. I think she was actually thinking about it. Until I said just like old times. once those words left my mouth. Her eyes darkened and her face saddened. Just like that night. Where i fucked up anything good i had.

Before I could let her talk and shut me out I had to tell her how I feel. I couldn't just not. Everything that I've felt for the past four years just rained out. It wouldn't stop. A river of words flowed out my mouth. They had to be free.

Hailey came in at perfect timing. Maybe she'll convince y/n that i'm good enough now. We had a conversation a while back about me and y/n. She told me that if I didn't want this anymore and that if I wanted more I had to say something.

Now that I did, I wish I didn't.

y/n doesn't want me like that anymore. I'm just a toy to play with when she's bored. That should've been enough for me. I ruined a good thing. I may not have had her like I wanted, but I had her in a way.

What do I have now?

enjoy <3.