Never Winter Again

Chapter Nine - The Kiss

20 February 2020

Score: Last First Kiss - One Direction

Mark

"What?" I blink at her stupidly.

I clearly misheard. My jumbled thoughts about kissing Lydia last night are playing tricks on me.

But then...

"Kiss. Lydia." Gloria squeezes each word through her teeth. "Tongue and all." Her smug smile means only one thing: she has an agenda. Also, she's enjoying this immensely.

For a few seconds, I can only sit there in silence, not sure how to respond. Can I do this? And, most importantly, should I do it? I've done enough damage already.

I can just say I don't want to. Lydia's my friend. It'd be totally fine if I say I don't feel right about it...

However, every inch of me, every cell of my body wants to kiss Lydia. I could not stop thinking about her and our moment last night. Her soft lips, her fair skin...Our little kiss...

Only it wasn't our moment at all, nor was it our kiss, because she thought I was Patrick, and I played along.

From our brief exchange last night, I figured she must be having something going on with the Baby Lord. What the fuck was that about loving him? She said she was sure she loved him after we kissed, which cannot be true, because she kissed me. Nonetheless, I can see the way he's looking at her. The stolen glances, the longing sighs in her direction. It's clear he's pining over her, but, from what Lydia said last night, I figured that nothing's happened yet.

But how long before something does happen?

And what do I care?

I don't!

Do I?

Fuck, I shouldn't have kissed her! I should have just left her there on the bed and walked away. She doesn't remember any of it, anyway...

But I've been obsessing about it ever since. I couldn't sleep last night. I went for a walk! In the freezing, alpine night. Then, I came back to the hotel and sat in the lobby, sipping coffee until the sun came up. And all night, I was thinking about what I had done. And about how it had felt.

It was wrong, all of it, pretending to be someone else and kissing her, while she was drunk, but the kiss...The kiss felt so right! Even though it was completely innocent, our lips pressing against each other for just a brief moment...

That was Lydia's first kiss...

And it was also a lie.

But then it hits me! This is my chance to make it right! I can still be her first kiss! And I can do it properly, not pretending to be someone else! I get to kiss her as Mark Carter, and I get to do it when she's sober so that she remembers it. So that she knows, for the rest of her life, that I was her first kiss.

"Are you going to do it, or what?" Gloria's voice pulls me out of my trance for the second time tonight.

I clear my throat.

"Of course, I'm going to do it," I snap at her. "Unless," I move my eyes to Lydia, "You don't want me to."

She just shakes her head. "It's fine," she says. "Let's do it."

She looks flustered. Nervous even.

So am I. I can feel I'm shaking. This is it!

I move to my knees and walk on my knees to the center of the circle we're sitting in. I watch Lydia, as she moves to kneel, as well. She looks at Gloria, who is whispering something to her. Then, Lydia's eyes lock with mine and my breath catches in my throat...