Nothing to Everything

5: Comfort

When we got back to Quantico it was late enough that everybody just went home. Paperwork could wait until tomorrow. I texted my mom telling her I was going to my hidey hole for the night so she wouldn't worry about me. That's what I called the cabin Frank built for me as a child, my hidey hole. I then started driving to Frank's Virginia house that was conveniently located near Quantico. When I got to his house I parked my car in the driveway where I always parked and headed to the back woods. It was dark out, but I had memorized the route from all the times Frank took me here when I was a kid. When I stepped in view of the cabin my phone pinged with a notification that stated there was movement outside the cabin. I opened up the app to unlock the door and waved at the camera knowing Frank just got the same notification.

Frank: You ok? I see you are at your hidey hole.

Me: Yeah, just need to decompress after the case.

I walked into the cabin and smiled. I updated the cabin once I went off to college, but mainly the changes were to my bedroom. The living area perimeter was filled with toys on shelves that were for varying ages. Younger toys were on the lower shelves while books and board games for young adults were on the top shelves. I wouldn't let Frank throw away the baby games because I didn't want those memories to be replaced. The kitchen was kept stocked with nonperishables so if I ever came here unplanned I would have basic food. I filled a pot with water and put it on the stove to make pasta. While the water was heating up I went to go change into more comfortable clothes. Frank insisted on taking me shopping so I would have a full wardrobe at the cabin so I didn't have to worry about packing to come here.
Once I got changed I went back into the kitchen to check on the water. It wasn't boiling so I decided to put on the TV and find a show to watch. I decided to put on Food Network and went back to the kitchen. Once my food was ready I sat on the couch and tried to relax. After a little I felt my phone buzz. I had messages from Emily privately, but also some in the BAU ladies groupchat.

Emily: How are you doing? I was going to come stop by to check on you, but realized I didn't know where you lived.
Me: Even if you did know where I live I'm not there, I'm staying in the cabin I told you about that Frank made me. You definitely wouldn't find me here, even if it wasn't night time.

Penelope (The Better Half of BAU): We need another girls night, the last one got interrupted!
JJ (The Better Half of BAU): It got interrupted after we passed out, but I'm not one to complain about a girls night
Emily (The Better Half of BAU): I'm always down for girls night, but maybe we try and remember what happens this time?
Tara (The Better Half of BAU): What Emily said...
Me (The Better Half of BAU): Just seeing these now, but I would love to actually remember a girls night

I put my phone down and turned back to the TV. Something about just being in this cabin made me feel safe, maybe it was the fact I knew only I had access to open the door and there were cameras surrounding the cabin I had access to. Or maybe it was the fact that I was surrounded by happy memories. Before I knew it I had fallen asleep on the couch.
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I woke up and felt refreshed for once despite sleeping on a couch. The sun was bright and the birds were chirping. Oh crap. What time is it? I look at my phone and see a million texts and missed calls from everyone in the BAU. It is 10:30am and we were supposed to be in the office at 9am. I jump up and get ready and in my car in record time. My outfit was rushed and I only quickly put my hair in an updo, but getting there was more important than how I looked. Before driving off I sent a quick message to Hotch and then left.
I park lazily and rush to the elevator. Both elevators were going up, just my luck.
"Do you want to use the service elevator? I can use my badge to call it for you. I recognize you from you still at your desk on the sixth floor when I'm cleaning at night." I looked over to see the custodial person who usually does the bullpen.
"Oh my gosh, if you could that would save me. I am an hour and a half late from oversleeping." I smiled at her and start thanking her profusely. Within a minute I was in the elevator and said my final thank you as the door closed. I entered the bullpen and everyone was doing their paperwork at their desks.
"Woah, where'd you come from? The elevator didn't open or close." Derek was startled by my sudden appearance.
"The custodial staff, who I just learned is named Rita, let me use the service elevator since she saw how frazzled I looked and both elevators were heading up already." I set my stuff down and started turning on my computer.
"Why were you so late?" Emily asked from her desk.
"I overslept, I didn't even hear my alarm and when I finally woke up it was off. I woke up rested with the sun shining and bird chirping and realized then it was odd and checked my phone. Then to make it worst I didn't sleep at my house, so I was even farther from here."
"Ricci, a word." Hotch was in his doorway and I felt my heart racing as I got up and headed towards his office. I walked in and he closed the door behind me and motioned for me to sit.
"Why were you late?"
"I didn't hear my alarm, I'm sorry. And I was farther from Quantico since I stayed someplace more safe than my primary house." He looked at my with no expression on his face. I can't tell him that my mom is still living paycheck to paycheck so we live in one of the worst neighborhoods. Frank had told us we could live in his mansion, but my mom wasn't going to take that big of a handout so he got us a house we could afford together and he makes sure we have enough money for groceries.
Hotch nodded, "don't make it a habit, you are dismissed." I headed out of the door and back to my desk. I tried to focus on my work instead of the worried glances being thrown my way. After a little I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed my laptop and went to the window bench to do work. I was already late, I needed to get my work done. I worked through lunch and multiple messages from the BAU ladies's groupchat asking if I was taking a break and where I was. I heard several people try and find me, but they didn't come far enough down the hall to find me. The only people that saw me were the custodial employees coming to get something out of the closet, but they just smiled at me and I smiled at them.
I finished my work around 7pm and I headed to the bullpen to pack up. I didn't expect anyone to still be there, but when I walked in I saw Emily still at her desk. When I walked in she instantly looked up at me.
"I was waiting to make sure you were ok. No one knew where you were, but we saw your paperwork getting done." I avoided eye contact with her because I know she would be the one to break down my emotional barriers. I decided last night I was just going to shove all the emotions from the last case into a box and forget about it.
"I'm fine, I just couldn't get my work done with everyone taking turns staring at me." Emily followed me to my desk. I started to pack up like normal, but she took my hand and spun me around to face her. She was so close but I just looked at the ground. She touched my chin and lifted my head so I was looking at her. Her hand was warm and soft.
"Izzy..." Her voice was so soft and comforting. Tears were starting to form in my eyes, but she still held my face so I was facing her. I averted my eyes to try and stop the tears.
"Don't do that Iz. Don't hide from me... please." I looked back at her and Emily wiped away the tears that fell despite my efforts. "Don't hide from the emotions, it won't be good in the end... I know from experience." Emily pulled me into a hug. I stayed there, in her arms, for a long time just crying. Once the tears started, I couldn't stop them.
I finally gathered my wits and we walked to the elevator together, hand in hand. While we were waiting Rita walked out of the service elevator.
"Oh, Isabella, the custodial unit agreed and we added your badge to the service system. You are always nice to us and we see you working by the custodial closet down the hall a lot so we trust you. You can use the service elevator whenever you want and there's also a desk in the closet if you ever want to use that instead of the window." She whispered trying not to let Emily hear, but by Emily's facial expression I think she heard.
"Thank you, Rita. The use of the elevator alone is going to be so nice." Rita went into the bullpen to start her nightly routine.
"I looked in that hallway and didn't see you! We all looked!" Emily whisper yelled at me.
"It's a very nice location that to see me, you have to be all the way down the hall." I shrugged. "Now I guess I can always just go back in the closet like my teenage years." Oh. My. God. I did not just come out like that to Emily. I look at Emily and her jaw is practically on the floor, but she quickly closes it. "That is a terrible way to come out, but yeah, I'm bisexual. Penelope knows so honestly it was only a matter of time until the rest of you knew anyway." I awkwardly laughed. By this time we were outside and had to part ways to go to our cars.
"I am bisexual, too. I lean towards women though. Goodnight, Iz." Emily whispered to me then turned and headed to her car before I could process what she said. I got to my car and called Penelope, I needed someone to tell me the way I came out was funny and not mortifying. We talked the whole drive back to my house which I was grateful for.
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A week went by and there wasn't a case. Emily and I didn't talk about coming out to each other, but she now rivaled Penelope with being my closest friend. All the ladies ate lunch in Penelope's lair everyday, sometimes I did my paperwork in there on the couch. I found that when I'm comfortable I get my work done faster.
One day I had finished my morning work and was goofing off while waiting for lunch time. I was rolling around the bullpen on my chair. I had just rolled back to my desk when the doors opened. They were bringing someone to the holding cell and the person was not happy. Wait, I know that voice.
"Slav!" I looked over to see Slav handcuffed and being walked to the cell. I jumped out of my chair and went over just as they were taking off the handcuffs through the cell.
"Open the cell, let me go in there." The agent shrugged and opened the cell. Everyone was looking at me at this point, even Hotch, Rossi and my dad came out of their offices. I jumped in Slav's arms the moment I could.
"I told them you knew me! I told them I didn't want trouble. I brought you food as a congratulations, but they thought it was poisoned." I looked at the agents that brought him and sure enough one was holding a takeout bag.
"Leave the food. It isn't poisoned, I trust him." The agent looked like he was going to object, but just set the food down on the nearest table and left.
I turned to face Slav, "is that what I think it is?" I asked with a big grin. He nodded and I turned into a giddy middle schooler.
"If someone doesn't either let me out of this cell or give me that takeout bag in the next minute I'm going to break out of this cell." With that the rest of the BAU snapped out of their shock and Derek came and unlocked the cell. I grabbed Slav's hand and brought him out with me. Slav was a mob boss who did his time and was technically a free man, but always had federal eyes on him at all times. He runs a restaurant inn that is right near the airport and is sanctioned as a place of immunity for anyone. With Slav's past it became a common neutral ground for different groups, mainly mafias and mobs.
I was only thinking of the takeout lunch I was about to devour when I realized everyone was still staring at us.
"Izzy, I know you're excited for your food, but maybe call off all the staring?" Slav was looking around at all the eyes on us. I was opening the takeout container doing my food happy dance. I looked up and looked at each and every one of my team members.
"If any of you disrupt me eating this pasta by staring or any other way, I will become a force to be reckoned with, do you understand?" They all nodded and I went back to my food happy dance.
Slav knows better than to try and talk with me while I am eating so he just sat there smiling at me. Frank brought me to his restaurant a lot when I was a kid, then when I grew up and Frank brought me here on vacation I would go there alone sometimes. I became a regular there and I became a part of the family there. Slav co-owned it with Anthony who was the head chef. Anthony started making me this meal whenever I went there after going back and forth between gnocchi and fettuccine in pink vodka sauce with shrimp. He does half gnocchi and half fettuccine in the pink vodka sauce with shrimp so I don't have to choose. If I ever ended up on death row, this would be my last meal.
"What meal turned Izzy into that ray of sunshine?" Emily had finished her work and asked Slav.
"Gnocchi and fettuccine in a pink vodka sauce with shrimp." Slav answered, "she's been eating it since she was around six at my restaurant whenever she was in town. The first few times she came she would go back and forth between getting gnocchi and fettuccine, Anthony, my co-owner and head chef, realized and then one time brought out this and said she can get this whenever she comes in. Gosh, her smile when she saw the meal for the first time made everyone melt. I think it was at that moment everyone decided to metaphorically adopt her."
I smiled at the memory. All of these mob and mafia bosses with hearts in their eyes at six year old me. "The next time I went to the restaurant I had them all playing tea party with me in the middle of one of their meetings since I was bored. The tea had been brought by one of the guests and it had come from oversees. I still dream about that tea."
"I bet you if you asked you could have a ship's worth of tea brought here." Slav and I laughed because what he said was true.
"Hanging out in that restaurant was a main factor in how I grew up knowing how to be sweet and how to talk my way through anything, but also be able to fight and bite." I had finished my pasta and was about to go into a food coma. The restaurant had become family and some people even more as I grew older and became more involved in the mafia business. I always knew I had ties in the Italian mafia, but I made sure to keep my nose clean to join the FBI.
Emily was staring at Slav and me. Slav had moved the chair so he was next to me while I was eating. I looked at her and thought I saw jealousy in her eyes for a split second, but then she looked at me and any hint of it went away. When she looked at me like that, like she's trying to see how much she truly doesn't know me, all I want to do is tell her everything. Every little thing that could possibly get me kicked out of the FBI, every little thing that she would hate me for.
I realized I was staring at her and looked away. I laid my head on Slav's shoulder and held his hand. My eyes were starting to feel heavy. Ever since joining the BAU I have been having trouble sleeping, but with Slav I felt safe. I knew he would always protect me, he has always protected me. I dozed off, but it was my lunch break so I hoped I wouldn't get yelled at.
I woke up what felt like a minute later, but looking at the clock it was almost 1:30pm. I was still leaning on Slav's shoulder, but now I was also clutching to his arm as well. I looked around and everyone was at their desks doing their work again.
"Good morning sleepy head." Slav whispered to me. "It looked like you hadn't gotten much sleep recently, so I just let you sleep. I decided if you weren't awake by 2pm I would've woken you up then." I nodded, still in the waking up haze. "Is there something going on between you and the brunette? She kept looking over here giving me a death stare that made even me want to jump out of my skin." He whispered so no one heard, but I quickly looked around to make sure no one did.
I shook my head then whispered back, "simple answer is no, but next time I'm at the restaurant I'll tell you the full story." Slav nodded understanding that I couldn't talk about it here.
"And when will be the next time you're at the restaurant?" He was no longer whispering and everyone could hear our conversation.
"Hopefully soon, maybe if I end at a decent time tonight I'll swing by and have a drink at the bar to catch you up on the real tea of my life." I smirked as everyone in the bullpen turned to me. I know Slav was trying to bait one of the team members to try and tag along.
"What if we went as a team?" Derek took the bait and I smiled.
"You won't be allowed in." Slav smirked at me. "See, I have photos of every BAU member hanging up behind the hostess stand under big letters that spell do not allow." I died of laughter at their expressions, half were mad and the other half were confused. "It makes my regulars uncomfortable, Izzy is the only exception now."
Slav left soon after that conversation so I could at least pretend to do work, Hotch started giving us all death stares. I worked on the paperwork smiling for the first time since my first week at the BAU.