Nothing to Everything

12: The Past is Fast

                                    AN: Chapter contains Smut

"WHAT?" Penelope exclaims as I finish telling her the situation that is my love life. We ended up getting takeout and eating at her apartment.

"My life has never been nearly as exciting as it is now that I'm in the BAU." I reply while popping a fry in my mouth. "But also, now you know why you can't tell anyone. I'm not joking Penelope, I could get kicked out of the FBI if this got out, along with Emily and Hotch. Only JJ knows other than you, talk to her in private." Penelope nods and by her face I know she truly understands. Then her face shifts into a Cheshire Cat smile and I'm afraid for the words that are gonna be that come out of her mouth. "So what is Hotch like in bed? I know Emily would be amazing, I mean look at her." I burst out laughing. ——————————————————————————————————————————I call Emily on my drive home. "Hey Em." I say when she picks up. "Well hello Iz." She replies. "So, I slept on a couch last night, so I don't want to sleep anywhere besides my bed tonight, but, if you weren't necessarily attached to your bed tonight maybe mine could be sufficient?" I ask hopefully. "I'll be there in twenty, love." She replies and I put on the biggest smile while hanging up. As soon as I get home I change into some of my nicer pajamas. It's a cropped cami with booty shorts made from black silk with red trim. My feet got cold while waiting for Emily so I put on some fuzzy slippers. I'm sitting in my kitchen when I get notified that Emily has arrived. I open the door and kiss her. "Well hello to you too." She says when I pull back. I close the door as she places her bag by the stairs. She grabs my hand as we walk towards the couch. Emily sits down then I sit down so my head is on her lap. "I think these," she traces the top red lining of my pj shirt, "are my favorite pajamas of yours." I smile up at her then reach up and pull her down for a kiss. I broke the kiss for a second while I shifted positions so I was straddling her lap. Her lips are so soft I could kiss her forever. She has a bruising grip on my hips. I grab her cheeks and lift her head slightly to kiss her deeper. She picks me up and settles me on my back never breaking the kiss. She kisses down my neck then back up to my lips. One of her hands goes under my shirt and she moans into my mouth when she doesn't find a bra. She starts playing with my breasts and my legs find their way around her waist. She grasps a handful of my hair and lifts my head, exposing my neck to her so she can kiss it easier. "Let's. Go. Upstairs." I pant out in between breaths. Emily picks me up and heads upstairs to my room. I kiss her neck all the way up while grasping her hair. She throws me on the bed and takes off her shirt and pants while I throw my pjs off the bed. I twist on the bed so my head is up top. Once Emily is naked she climbs on top of me and starts kissing down my body. She gets to where I want her and she doesn't waste any time licking and sucking my clit. My hands go right to her hair with the sudden pleasure filling my body. She replaces her tongue with her fingers and kisses her way back up my body. She's finger fucking me while I taste myself on her tongue. My first orgasm comes fast and soon I am flipping us so I am on top of her. I kiss her mouth and then lick my way down her body stopping at her nipples. I flick with my tongue and suck for a little then continue my way down. With the first touch of my tongue on her clit her back is arching off the bed. I work her clit and then add a finger. "More," Emily pleads and I add a second finger. Not too long later Emily is clenching around my fingers during her first orgasm of the night. We go back and forth testing each other's limits. I find that she likes being called a good girl and princess. We are both on double digits orgasms when she is fingering me and she reaches up, grasps my neck and kisses in between my breasts. I am out of breath so quickly, but it feels so euphoric. She squeezes my neck harder and ups her pace. I start seeing stars and orgasm the hardest I ever have. Emily drops next to me on the bed panting and covers us with the blankets. We are facing each other when she kisses me gently and pulls me closer to her. This is the position we both fall asleep in. ——————————————————————————————————————————I wake up and I have visible bruising on my hips and neck from the activities of last night. Emily looks at the marks she left on me and prowls towards me. She wraps her arms around my waist and brings me in for a kiss. "I like seeing my marks on you," she adds. I kiss her cheek then turn to the bathroom, "yeah, but now I have to use a bunch of makeup to hide the hand prints on my neck so no one can see at work." I smirk at her. It takes me a half an hour just to get it so the marks aren't too noticeable, but if someone is staring they'll be able to see the faint outline. After I finish getting ready I go downstairs to get some very needed coffee. Emily finishes pouring me a cup as soon as I enter the kitchen. I take the mug with a smile and lean on the counter next to her. I look at the clock and curse. "We have to leave now or we are going to be late." I say while grabbing my work stuff, I guess I am buying lunch today. We make it to work just on time, Emily a few minutes before me since I had to wait for her to leave to pull out of the garage. The whole morning I did paperwork from the case that just wrapped up in Penelope's lair. She was happy to have the company since I haven't done work in her lair recently. At noon I headed back into the bullpen to put my computer on my desk for lunch. Everybody gathered at the door and to my surprise, Hotch, Rossi and my dad were already waiting with the team to head down. We had to drag a few more chairs to our usual spot, but everyone fit. I quickly ate the lunch I bought and then was just enjoying the team's company. "Who is that walking towards us?" Hotch asks from next to me. I see who he is talking about and stiffen, but get up to intercept him. "What are you doing here?" I ask the face of one of the worst days of my life. "You didn't forget what happened twelve years ago today, did you?" He mockingly asked me. "You know Izzy, you have similar handprints on your neck now that you got that day." He added. "The big difference between the marks on my neck today and twelve years ago is that the marks today were done consensually." I can feel the team looking at me, especially Hotch but I continue. "Twelve years ago they were considered assault. Now do whatever you have planned and then leave, Dylan." I say. Dylan steps closer and tries to stab me, but I get a hold of the blade with my palm. "You know, you stabbed me a lot that day, I don't feel knife wounds as hard anymore." I can hear the team gasping as my hand is dripping blood, but I won't let go of this knife, I won't back down. "Your friend also stabbed me quite a bit, but he isn't here to exact whatever this is, now is he?" I am taunting him, but I'm no longer afraid of him like I was when I was sixteen. "You murderer!" Dylan screams at the mention of his friend. "According to the jury from the trial that happened I am innocent." I reply. "You know that verdict was bullshit." He seethes. "That day, you and your friend took half of my humanity that I can't get back. I did what I needed to survive, you did what you did to try and impress daddy. Well I am a whole lot harder to kill than I was at sixteen and even then I wasn't an easy kill, just ask your friend." I did a mock "oh" face then put on a bored expression. "Now leave and go back to report to your dad that Frank succeeded in what he raised me to be, a menace who shouldn't be tested." Dylan pulls the knife out of my hand cutting it even deeper. I waved goodbye with my bloody hand until he was a safe distance away. I don't look at my team, I just head to my car where I have a first aid kit. I'm not surprised he could see the marks on my neck, I should've brought my makeup to reapply. I feel someone come up behind me and my body just reacts. I pull out the knife hidden in my sleeve and have it up against their neck in an instance. "Woah, it's Hotch, Izzy, it's Hotch." My eyes refocus and see that it is actually Hotch and put the knife away. I turn back to my the first aid kit and start getting what I need to treat the cut on my hand, purposefully not looking at Hotch. Not only was I just called a murderer, he also now has a pretty good guess what I was up to last night with Emily. He leans on my car in silence for a moment just watching me. Once I get a bandage on my palm he breaks the silence."Are you ok?" He asks gently, "I doubt that was something you wanted to happen at all, let alone in front of all of us." I can sense him glancing in between my neck and my eyes. I put extra first aid supplies in my pocket then close and lock my car. "Maybe this is a conversation for behind a closed and locked door." I say brushing his hand with my non-injured one. We walk in silence to his office, thankfully the rest of the team isn't back from lunch yet. We enter his office and I sit on the couch while he locks the door. He sits next to me and looks at me. "No, I'm not ok." I finally respond to his question feeling tears forming in my eyes. I avoid his eye contact and he takes my hand pulling me closer. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks. "Do I have to?" I ask him back as the tears start to fall. He wipes my face gently. "Eventually, but not this instance." He replies pulling me so I'm sitting sideways over his lap with my head on his chest. He rests his head on top of mine reassuringly. We sit like that for a little bit, just him rocking me slightly. "You had just got back from a case, I wanted you to have time with Jack." I said softly. "I had dinner with Penelope, then realized what day today was and called Emily. I asked if she wanted to spend the night since I knew otherwise I wouldn't have slept, I would've had nightmare after nightmare." I continued. "If you weren't spending time with Jack I would've called you." I finished. "To me, there was just one choice, I didn't pick her over you." I lifted my head to look at him. He leaned down and kissed my forehead, "I understand, I may be disappointed but I am in no way angry. You are correct, I spent the night with Jack and that is where I belonged last night." I rested my head back on his chest, not ready to bring up what else was said. "I'm not ready to talk about the rest, to anyone. It was one of the worst days of my life, worst period of my life. I can't talk about it because then I have to fully remember it." I said almost inaudibly. I felt Hotch nod. I got up and went to my desk shortly before the rest of the team came back in. "Hey, Iz, why don't you do your work on the chair in my office." My dad whispers when passing me. I nod and get up, knowing he is doing this so I can avoid being looked at by everyone. We get in his office and he shuts his door almost fully. "Just tell me this, was this something that I would've been able to prevent if I had been there?" He asks once he sits down. I shake my head no because that is the truth. My dad nods and then starts working. We work in comfortable silence the rest of the day. At five, I get up and say goodbye to my dad. I head to my desk and start gathering my belongings. I feel everyone's eyes on me, especially Emily's. I start heading to the custodial elevator and feel Emily come up next to me. Once we are by the custodial closet she scans my badge to open the door and pushes me in. "Will you be ok if I let you go home alone?" She asks me. "To be honest, I don't know." I reply, there's no point in lying. "Who do you want with you tonight? Who do I need to call?" She asks sincerely. I put my head on her shoulder truly not knowing. Honestly, I want Frank. I want his comfort, but clearly that can't happen anymore. When I don't answer Emily wraps her arms around me. "I'll drive you home and stay. If at any point you decide you want someone else just tell me and I'll go home. If you need a ride to work tomorrow I'll pick you up no questions asked about who you decided." She tells me."Thank you." I say while letting her lead me out to her car. ——————————————————————————————————————————When we get to my house I let us in and Emily starts cooking dinner for the two of us. After we eat we go to the couch and put on tv. We just sit there and cuddle the rest of the night. She doesn't try to get me to talk and I don't offer to talk. Around 7pm my phone rings and I see that it's Hotch. I pick it up and go out onto the porch where Emily can't hear me. "Hey, what's up." I greet him. "I'm just checking in, your dad told me you left at five." He answers. "Yeah, I had most of my work done and just needed to leave. Emily is with me though, I'm not alone." I add because I know that was going to be his next question, if I was alone. "I'm glad you're not alone." He says softly. I know it kills him that he can't be there for me the way he wants to be. "Hey, Jack is sleeping over at a friend's house Friday night, pencil me in to be with you that night." I smile even though he can't see me. "I can't wait. Only two more days." I respond. We say goodbye and I head back inside. I sit on the couch and snuggle back up with Emily, laying my head on her shoulder. "What did Hotch want?" She asks me. "Just to check in on me." I reply and we go back to watching Tv. Emily wakes me up around 10pm to go upstairs with her and get in actual bed. I wake up in Emily's arms an hour before my alarm. I slide out of bed careful not to wake her up and get in running clothes. I exit through the back door and go jogging in the woods behind my house. Thirty minutes later my music is interrupted by a phone call from Emily. "Where are you?!" She yells when I answer, "why are you out of breath? Are you ok?" At this moment I realize I should've left her a note. "I'm ok, I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to take a morning jog, I'm on my way back to the house now." I reply and then hang up and turn back towards the house. When I get to the backyard I see Emily in the kitchen window, she sees me and frowns at me. I probably really scared her just disappearing. I walk into the kitchen and grab water. "You really scared me..." she says softly. "I'm sorry, I should've left a note. I didn't mean to scare you." I reply pulling her into a hug. I'm not used to others worrying for my safety. I kiss her forehead then head upstairs to shower and get dressed for work. When I get back downstairs she's leaning on the counter eating avocado toast and drinking coffee. I pour myself a cup of coffee and lean on the counter next to her. I can tell she's still a little shaken from my disappearance this morning. I take her hand and squeeze gently smiling at her. She finishes her breakfast and we head to her car, she doesn't let go of my hand until I start walking around the car to get in. I drop my things off at my desk and then head to Hotch's office. I will never be ready to talk about that day, but he deserves a chance to ask questions as my boss. "Can I come in?" I ask after knocking. Hotch motions for me to enter so I do and close the door. He looks at me with his eyebrows raised when I sit at a chair by his desk instead of on the couch like I usually do. "I will never be ready to talk about that day, but as my boss," I emphasize the word boss, "I wanted to give you a chance to ask any questions about what you heard yesterday." Hotch puts what he was working on away and looks at me. "And what about as not your boss?" He asks. "I hear you have Friday night free." I reply with a forced smile and he nods. "Ok, as your boss." Hotch paused. "Did you murder someone?" I figured this was going to be his first question. "Short answer, it was self defense. Did I defend myself in the most straightforward way? No, I took some creative liberties." Hotch nods. "Why was it not in your file? I mean, it was a murder trial." "I was sixteen at the time so I was protected as a minor. It was also half murder trial," I pause gaining the nerve to finish the sentence, "half sexual assault trial." I take a deep breath. "When I turned eighteen Frank helped me use every resource I had to get any evidence of the trial deleted, only a paper file is left, but even that has no personal information of mine, just case numbers." Hotch's face flies through almost every emotion imaginable. "You mentioned multiple times that they did everything to impress their dad, what did you mean by that?" Hotch asks. "Their dad heads another big mafia in Virginia. They are much more of a typical mafia, I have tried to clean up the ones I have ties to. In order to become a full fledged member they have to do something that is worthy of full member status, it usually has something to do with showing you're fully in the mafia and you'll put it above everything, even your safety." I pause choking back tears. "Dylan and his friend decided that they were going to assault me, as I was Frank's most prized possession. They didn't count on me, a sixteen year old loner, fighting back. They kept me in a basement and they raped and stabbed and cut me for three days. They had planned to have their dad come see their work on the fifth day. On the fourth day, one came down by themselves and I got the upper hand. I was able to escape and collapsed in front of a random couple who called an ambulance and police for me." By this point I was sobbing. Hotch rounded his desk and wrapped his arms around me. He held me so tightly as if he let go I would just blow away with the slightest breeze. I got myself together and went to my desk after Hotch released me. There was no hiding my puffy eyes, but I guess they went with the handprint on my neck. It was Thursday so only two more workdays including today, then I get a break.