Fanaa

1.12 Holding on and letting go

A week later

Udaipur
Singhania house

Akshara stared at herself in the mirror. She looked older, the grief and pain had taken its toll on her. In these past 6 years, the light had slowly disappeared from her eyes, her dreams and hopes extinguished - all she had been doing was surviving, existing, putting one foot in-front of the other- trying to live for her daughter. She had been in a limbo, refusing to acknowledge her past, refusing to process her emotions, refusing to move on.

But it was time. After the court hearing, she had broken down in her sister's arms, allowed herself to break into a million pieces in the hopes of joining herself again. She had once read about Kintsugi, the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold - it was built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you could create an even stronger, more beautiful, more resilient  piece of art.
She wanted to build herself up again, she wanted to start living again, she wanted to be the best possible version of herself she could be for her daughter. She wanted her daughter to know the old Akshu, the one who sang her heart out and found hope in the littlest of things.

It was time to let go of her demons, her past- it was time to make peace with herself. She had made mistakes, she had suffered but it was time to embrace life again and she would do it with the help of her family and daughter.
Perhaps life wouldn't be what she had envisioned for herself when she had been younger - but she would make it beautiful, surround herself with the ones who loved her and who she loved.

But letting go wasn't easy. Seeing Abhimanyu break down in court had broken down the barriers she had placed on her heart. Watching him shatter hurt her. She had loved him with every bit of her soul, he was ingrained in her blood, in her bones. And moving on from a love like that wasn't easy - sometimes it felt damn near impossible.
She knew he was hurting, knew that these past 6 years would have been as difficult for him as it had been for her, she at least had Aaira, he had spent the last 6 years mourning what could have been. She had wanted to tide through the grief together, had hoped their love could have withstood the storm.
It wasn't easy letting go of the dreams she had of the life they could have shared. She had wanted to live each day as it was the last, drowning and rising in his love.

But it was time. It was time to move on. Start a new chapter. Seize life again. Abhimanyu and her would be always be parents to Aaira, and maybe with time, they could develop a sense of normalcy, a sense of family amongst them. But there was no room for anything more.
But then why did that thought hurt so much ?

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Birla house

Harshvardhan Birla opened the door to his son's room. His son, Abhimanyu had holed himself up in his room ever since the court hearing, refusing to come out or talk to anyone.
He gazed at his son, his son who was nothing but skin and bones, his son who seemed to be grappling with his sanity, his eyes filled with remorse and guilt, suffocating in his failures and helplessness.

"What are you doing?" Harshvardhan asked his son.
"Please leave, I'm not in any state to be fighting with you right now." Abhi weakly whispered.

"All right, I'll tell you what you are doing, you're being a coward, you're wasting the second chance that life has given you."

"They are better of without me, I cannot even face her after what I did to her."

"So that's it - you will just give up and I assume just wither away in this room of yours. What happened to the Abhimanyu Birla who owned up to his mistakes and fought to make it right."

"I do not have the right to even ask for FORGIVENESS! How can I possibly even begin to make things right?" Abhimanyu shouted, his helplessness choking him.

"As long as you are alive, as long as you have today with you, you do have the hope to make things right." Harshvardhan's eyes filled with tears, "Don't be like me, don't waste precious time, life is too short, it is me who cannot make things right anymore, me who cannot ask forgiveness from my own son, my Neil. He's gone - and I have to live with the fact that I didn't treat my own flesh and blood right, that I will never get to right my wrongs. Don't be like me." With that he walked off, leaving Abhimanyu to grapple with his thoughts.

A/N : so we have Akshu who has finally decided to leave her past behind and Abhimanyu who is going to start his journey of redemption.

Abhimanyu grovelling would have been such a serve 😭 - but the show keeps disappointing.

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