There will always be a certain time when you will realize that your smile is just a showcase for the feelings that you choose to hide within your heart.
I'm starting to ask the world why I'm in this situation. Wherein my mind thinks that I'm happy but my heart says the contrary.
Why am I here? I have everything I need but why does it feels like I'm not happy and contented about the life I have?
Living in this kind of family that I'm in is really tough. Enable to be accepted, you need to be perfect. You need to be smart academically and get a high grades so you won't disappoint them. You need to act maturely for them to like you.
You can't act according to your age because you will never impress them with that. I can't be myself, either. And because of that, I can't be authentically happy.
Being Mallari means setting aside the things you really wanted and throwing the idea of having the freedom to express your true self.
And there's the sudden hit of realization that they made me a prisoner of their expectations. And I don't know how can I escape.
"You're going to school this early? Five am?"
Napabaling ako sa nagsalita. Namataan ko si Daddy na naka-upo sa couch habang may hawak na libro.
I can remember what he said last night but I refuse the idea of remembering it forever. So I smiled at him even though I wanted to confront him and let him know that I overheard his conversation with my sister.
But what's the use of doing that? I can't change the fact that I'm just his mistake.
"Actually, we have exams later so I need to review my notes," I uttered, smiling.
I saw him smiled, too. "You don't need to review, I know you can answer all the questions correctly without reviewing your notes," he mumbled. "I know your smart but don't abuse yourself. Learn to take a break, my daughter."
I stare at him, not expecting his remarks. How come he can call me his daughter if he said last night that I'm just his mistake?
Two minutes before getting my senses back, I smiled at him and I walk towards the door. Before I stepped out, I uttered something.
"Studying is the only break that I can accept in this world, Dad."
The moment you get used to it, is the same moment that you will realize that you already love it.
Bumuntong hininga ako saka pumasok sa kotse. Sinabi ko muna sa driver ang lokasyon ng Coffee Shop na gusto kong puntahan.
Napagpasiyahan ko kasing sa Coffee Shop na lang ako magrereview. And when I'm done, diretso na 'ko pupunta sa school.
When we arrived at the coffee shop ay mabilis akong bumaba. I tell the driver to wait for me until seven and he said yes. Pumasok agad ako sa coffee shop saka nag-order. After that, I prepared my things and start reviewing while waiting for my order.
"Ma'am, here's your order."
I looked up and I'm a bit shocked when I saw the guy who break into my room. I mean, the guy who's with Trina's boyfriend.
I watched him when he place the cappuccino and chocolate cake carefully. Medyo ginilid niya pa ang malaking libro para hindi ito matapunan.
Nang matapos siya sa ginagawa ay tumayo siya ng tuwid saka ngumiti sa akin.
Napansin kong nakasuot na rin siya ng uniform na pinatungan niya lang ng green na apron. Basa rin ang buhok niya at bahagya itong magulo, halatang bagong ligo at hindi pa nag-suklay.
"If you need something, just ring the bell. Thank you for coming!" he cheerfully uttered.
The sun is not yet rising yet his smile shows sunshine.
Tumalikod na siya sa akin kaya napailing-iling na lamang ako.
He's totally a liar. He said that he is a Villegas yet he's here, working his ass off. A Villegas don't need to work. Thinking about their wealth, they don't need to wipe the table for someone. They don't need to make a coffee just for someone! So definitely, he is not a Villegas.
What a shame.
Bumalik na lang ako sa pagre-review at hindi ko na inisip pa ang lalaking nasa counter ng coffee shop. Pero maya-maya pa'y tumingin ulit ako rito.
Katabi niyang bumati ang babaeng kumukuha ng order ng mga costumer. Pansin ko pang namumula ang babae sa tuwing nagtatama ang tingin nila.
For some unknown reason, I got irritated.
Aalisin ko na sana ang tingin sa kaniya ngunit bigla siyang bumaling sa 'kin at nahuli ng kaniyang namumungay na mata ang aking tingin.
He stared at me with amusement in his eyes and he even leaned on the counter while looking on my way.
Umiwas ako ng tingin saka wala sa sariling uminom ng kape. Bahagya pa itong natapon kaya napamura ako.
Pipindutin ko na sana ang bell na nasa gilid ng table para humingi ng pamunas pero may nag-abot na agad sa 'kin ng tissue.
"Here," usal niya at pansin sa kaniyang boses na natutuwa siya sa takbo ng sitwasyon.
Padarag kong kinuha ang tissue saka pinunasan ang kamay ko. Habang pinupunasan ang kamay ay sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Nangingiti naman na napakamot siya sa kaniyang batok.
"Your stare is so intense, 'no?" sambit niya. Tinitigan niya ako saka niya mapaglarong nilakihan ang mata.
Great, what the fvck is wrong with him? Ba't ba kasi nandito ang akyat bahay na 'to? Sa dinami-dami ba naman kasi ng coffee shop bakit sa paborito ko pang coffee shop siya nagtrabaho?!
"Wow, you know how to smile?!" he uttered exaggeratedly.
"I'm not smiling, I'm insulting you in my head," mapakla kong sambit. Inirapan ko siya bago ako nagsimulang magligpit ng gamit.
Napansin ko naman siyang tumingin sa relo niya saka napanguso. Napatingin din tuloy ako sa oras at nakitang 7:13 na. Napa-sulyap na naman ako nang bumalik siya sa counter saka tinanggal ang apron na suot niya.
Ibinigay niya iyon sa babaeng naroon, nag-usap pa sila at nag-ngitian bago inabot ng babae ang bag na black at jacket sa kaniya.
Why am I being so observant right now? What the heck is wrong with me?
Nang natapos akong magligpit ng gamit ay tumayo agad ako. I go to the counter without minding the guy who's looking at me. Nilagpasan ko lang siya na parang hangin.
Binayaran ko ang aking order saka ako nagmadaling umalis sa coffee shop na 'yon. Narinig ko pa ang sinabi ng lalaki, "Come again!"
For heaven's sake, I will never come back! And it is because of him. For the first time in awhile, someone made me this nervous.
My heart is beating so loud and fast than the usual. I don't know why I feel nervous upon our interactions awhile ago. But am I really nervous?
May nenenerbyos bang nakangiti? This is really crazy, and this is all his fault!
That guy, I hate him.
&&&
BINABASA MO ANG
The Perfectly Imperfect
عشوائيDavina Gail Mallari is her name. She's confident about what she can do. She always act like the standard that's why everyone admire her and wants to be like her. People see Davin as an intelligent, beautiful, and arrogant girl. But somehow, they ca...
