Dear diary,
I'm sorry for ruining your page today but it's impossible to not cry while getting this thought out of my head.
Yesterday, I couldn't help but wonder about a lot of things.
It began with intrusive thoughts. I continuously asked myself "Why am I still alive?". I don't really know the answer why and I believe people would just be better off without me, especially Tsukasa. Tsukasa is a cool person and one of my bestest best friends but for some reason, I believe he's better off without me. I'm nothing but just a useless person who gets attached to everyone who is nice to them because they don't know any better. I never met anyone nice in my life. It was just full of bullies and backstabbers that even making friends became difficult because of my trust issues.
Second, it went on with me asking myself and my own self how useless I am and will continue to be in the future until my death. I never was able to make someone not disappointed by the way I acted, talked and imagined things to be. It's like my head is on a wanted poster and people are disappointed to look at it. I know that a lot of people have a harder life than mine and that they are able to overcome it but, I can't... I've tried multiple and multiple times but it doesn't work for me.
Three is the fact why am I crying right now while writing this entry. I feel like my emotions are unstable and I somehow managed to bottle them but it's already on its max and it might burst out soon. I'm not used to saying this but...I'm scared. Scared of my own emotions. Scared it might explore and I lose everything I had built until now.
Where is death when I need it the most...?
YOU ARE READING
Mafuyu's Diary
Non-FictionDepression is not an easy thing to deal with. Some take it as a mental illness, something that can mess with the host's brain, like a puppeteer pulling the strings puppet, while others tend to think it's just something that strived among teens to ga...
